


Barrayar Expects That Every Fan Will Do Their Duty: Excerpts From A Fandom

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Blogging, Dreamwidth, Epistolary, Fanart, Fandom AU, LGBTQ Characters, Meta Fic, Paint Shop Pro, Photo Manipulation, Present Day AU, Shamelessly Crack, Trans Character, Yuletide 2011, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-23
Updated: 2011-12-23
Packaged: 2017-10-27 22:29:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/300734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where they're all in fandom.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Barrayar Expects That Every Fan Will Do Their Duty: Excerpts From A Fandom

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Trobadora](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trobadora/gifts).



> Happy Yuletide, [](http://www.archiveofourown.org/users/trobadora/profile)**[trobadora](http://www.archiveofourown.org/users/trobadora/)**!
> 
> Thank you to [](http://www.archiveofourown.org/users/philomytha/profile)[**philomytha**](http://www.archiveofourown.org/users/philomytha/) for being a really great and very patient beta! \o/ And thank you to [](http://www.archiveofourown.org/users/greenlily/profile)**[greenlily](http://www.archiveofourown.org/users/greenlily/)** for looking it over from the don't-know-canon perspective and saying it made sense!
> 
> And a special thank you to Fuck Yeah Fanfic Flamingo! :D
> 
> The fic title "Imperium: Mysterious In Amorous Array" is from the song Democracy by Leonard Cohen, and the fic title "It Little Profits That An Idle King" is the beginning of the poem Ulysses by Tennyson.
> 
> The images were all made by me in Paint Shop Pro. The source images for some of the icons were from PSP picture tubes. The keep barraying on icon was partially created using the [Keep Calm And Carry On image generator](http://anonym.to/http://www.keepcalm-o-matic.co.uk/). The fic banners were made using source images that I got years ago from the [](http://foto-decadent.livejournal.com/profile)**[foto_decadent](http://foto-decadent.livejournal.com/)** LJ comm.
> 
> There is a screen name to character name table at the bottom.
> 
> Due to html coding limitations on AO3, the polls are using images instead of form code. I apologize if it looks and/or acts strange. [The Dreamwidth post version has normal poll code](http://lannamichaels.dreamwidth.org/102709.html).
> 
> This fic has an associated style sheet. To use it, please click "Use Creator's Style" above or [use this link to the fic with ?style=creator already added](http://archiveofourown.org/works/300734?style=creator). It's doing relatively minor modifications so it's not essential to the fic, it's just for "faking it" purposes.
> 
>  
> 
> * * *
> 
> [Yuletide Reveal Meta Post](http://lannamichaels.dreamwidth.org/102278.html)

  


* * *

Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[What Latte and I really talk about behind the internet's back]()  
_  
**

  
_duvid_ : I've changed my relationship status again after seeing spoiler stuff.

 _lattesandcandy:_ Uh oh.

 _duvid:_ It's back to being complicated.

 _lattesandcandy:_ Oh, Duv, sweetie. It's never not been complicated.

 _duvid:_ I know. Why do I keep dreaming it isn't?

 _lattesandcandy:_ I have no idea. You're always such a grump.

 _duvid_ : It's like I keep waiting for the world to pleasantly surprise me and it never does.

  
Two minutes later, my brother pokes his head in on chat:

 _nate:_ you and Latte having problems?

 _duvid:_ No, we're fine. Why?

 _nate:_ I just saw your status alert.

 _duvid:_ Fuck, I forgot to be specific.

 _duvid:_ There, it's fixed now. Latest status update.

 _nate:_ Duv is in a relationship with **Barrayar** and it's complicated.

 _nate:_ the flying fuck?

  


* * *

Greg Bleakman ([]()[ **gregbleakman**]() ) wrote in []()[**cafecaravanserai**]() ,

**  
_  
[Sounding the All Clear!]()  
_  
**

[]()[**lisasato**]() has gotten custody back of her children! She has [a post up with the full details and more information on how those concerned can continue to help women who are in the same position Lisa was in.]()

For those just joining us: start with the [post by Lisa's sister alerting everyone to the situation]() at []()[**helplisa**](). Link roundups at []()[**speakerspeaker**]() : [part the first](), [part the second](), [part the third]().

  


* * *

Elli ([]()[ **equinn**]() ) wrote in []()[**cafecaravanserai**]() ,

**  
_[Uploads Index]()_  
**

The first rule of the Dendarii Pirates is you do not talk about the Dendarii Pirates. [The other rules are here]().

THIS IS AN INDEX POST. THIS IS NOT WHERE YOU REQUEST REUPLOADS.

Season One: In which we meet Our Heroes, Hazelbright growls, Vortalon duels, Penelope passes, Olivia swoons, and Varadar Tau does whatever it is his job is. [Here are all of the full season uploads for season one.]()

Season Two: In which Our Heroes take the fight to the Dendarii. Hazelbright growls, Vortalon starts shooting at groups of people instead of just one fighter at a time, Penelope returns and still passes, Olivia punches a pirate, and Varadar Tau gets very possessive of his ship. [Here are all of the full season uploads for season two.]()

Season Three: In which Our Heroes liaise with the Mountain Navy, Hazelbright schemes, Varadar Tau tip-toes, Penelope leaves, Vortalon flirts with Olivia, and Mountain collapses into chaos. Olivia goes home. [Here are all of the full season uploads for season three.]()

Interlude for a movie: Olivia And The Heroes Fix Mountain. Penelope makes a triumphant return and is no longer passing. Varadar Tau achieves adorable for the first and only time. And Sonia wears lilac. [Here are all of the uploads for the fifth-overall first-reboot movie.]()

Season Four: In which the Dendarii Strike Back, Hazelbright discovers cough drops, Varadar Tau starts to panic, Olivia learns to shoot, Sonia returns from the hiatus with actual lines, Penelope becomes a series regular, Vortalon gets confused by emotions, Selig snarks, and Boat falls apart. [Here are all of the full season uploads for season four.]()

Interlude for a movie: Penelope Leads The Prodigal Vortalon Back To Barrayar. Olivia and Sonia are tourists. Penelope reminds the audience she was originally introduced as being the king and queen's wayward runaway daughter. Vortalon is very pretty. Hazelbright and Varadar Tau are MIA because ~~of RL contract issues~~ Boat is getting rebuilt. [Here are all of the uploads for the sixth-overall second-reboot movie.]()

Season Five: In which Boat is a shiny new set, Varadar Tau is frequently tragic, Hazelbright strategizes, Vortalon shines, Penelope talks back, Olivia become a gunner, Sonia still has lines, and Selig repels invading forces with snark. And large guns. [Here are all of the full season uploads for season five.]()

Season Six: In which we learn why space piracy is bad and the series wins an Emmy for special effects. Hazelbright gets more ships, Varadar Tau makes him promise he still loves ~~him~~ Boat the best, Olivia infiltrates, Sonia worries, Penelope tells Vortalon off, and Vortalon gets his own ship. [Here are all of the full season uploads for season six.]()

Interlude for a movie: Vortalon and his new ship fight pirates and romance Penelope. Penelope is charmed more by the awesomeness of the ship than by Vortalon. Olivia returns, Sonia rejoices, Hazelbright cameos, Varadar Tau voice-cameos, and most of the budget is spent on the big final firefight. The Second Nexus War begins. [Here are all of the uploads for the seventh-overall third-reboot movie.]()

Season Seven: In which we revisit the beginning of the Nexus War because half the movie has to be ret-conned. Vortalon is back on Boat, Hazelbright schemes, Olivia is important, Sonia cuts a throat, Penelope angsts, and Varadar Tau wants to feed Boat chicken soup. [Here are all of the full season uploads for season seven.]()

Season Eight: In which the Varadars smuggle, the Dendarii win and then lose, Hazelbright is running the entire Barrayaran Navy, Varadar Tau is breveted, Vortalon destroys a mutiny, and Vashnoi is bombed. Vortalon marries Penelope and they become King and Queen of Barrayar. TO BE CONTINUED DUM-DUM-DUM! [Here are all of the full season uploads for season eight.]()

Interlude for a movie: _Watch this space!_

  


* * *

Greg Bleakman ([]()[ **gregbleakman**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Weekly Real Life]()  
_  
**

  * Belatedly because I forgot to post last week: thanks for all the birthday wishes! We went out for dinner and had a great time. There's a new restaurant named RedBlue that []()[**henri5**]() passes on his commute and he's been curious. We checked it out and a great time was had by all. [Here's their site if you're in the area and want to try for yourself.]()
  * We took []()[**mnais**]() in for his surgery on Monday and he's recuperating in our spare room now. He says thank you to everyone who contributed feel good fic recs to the request he posted last week.
  * []()[**markymark**]() and []()[**kareeningtowardsbethlehem**]() were in the area for an RL conference yesterday so we got together. M and Mark do a great Who's On First double act. We're trying to convince them to take it on the road, or at least YouTube.
  * Henri has posted about [the latest Labor of Hercules in our Adoption Quest]() and has also posted an [in-depth and meticulously detailed post about financial planning and long-term budgeting](). Check out the comments for a very interesting and educational discussion between Henri and []()[**sweetanna**]() about the relative merits of 529s and UGMA/UTMAs. It has footnotes!
  * We've had such great help from everyone throughout the Quest, and we're so grateful for all of the support and helpful tips and stories we've received from friends who have experience from all parts in the adoption process. Every time we've hit a snag, we've only had to remind each other of all the words of support and encouragement that we've received and the stories from those who've been in the same place we're in now, and it helps us keep going. 

And we're also very grateful and thankful for all the other, non-adoption-related, help we've been getting. []()[**captaincordelia**]() has been there every step of the journey. []()[**sillyan**]() has been helping us plan our current renovations around making baby-proofing-if-necessary as easy as possible. And []()[**donogenerate**]() has been hitting us over our metaphorical heads and calling us on gender fail and helping us de-gender our misconceptions and preconceptions. It takes a village to raise two wannabe fathers.

  * We've moved on to the next stage of Nervous Preparations and have gotten serious about cooking. We've purchased cookbooks that are all but named Appetizers for Accountants and Easy Entrees for Electrical Engineers and have been inflicting our creations on each other in the name of learning how to provide adequate nutrition. So far we've managed to not give each other food poisoning. Yay us!
  * My grandfather built our house and it's been under near-constant renovation since then. My family can never resist the urge to tinker. We're planning to start tackling Grandfather's garden in the spring. My grandparents had started it as a victory garden and then Grandfather spent the following 50 years trying to make it bend to his will. The plants often defeated him, but every year, there he was, back in the fray with a renewed determination to conquer. 

We're thinking of starting with plants. No, we don't have anything more specific in mind. Henri's budget is very pessimistic on how well we'll be able to keep plants alive that we actually want to. We are very good at growing weeds and we'll see how that translates to intentional plants. We'll be following []()[**ekat**]() 's sagely advice in [How To Write About Plants In Your Fic]() when we update the world on how epically we are failing at botany. While I would love to prove Henri's budget wrong, that has only ever happened once and it was likely a fluke.

  



  


* * *

Latte ([]()[ **lattesandcandy**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Oh, Penelope]()  
_  
**

Over in []()[**sweetanna**]() 's journal, someone who isn't familiar with Barrayar was asking why all of the summaries of the fandom she's seen mostly go "oh, _Penelope_ " and move on. The question being: just how bad is this?

Well, I have to say, it's not that bad? It used to be worse. Penelope was really great in season eight. But... it's pretty easy to damn with faint praise when it comes to how Penelope is written, portrayed, and treated in canon.

So, here we go, doing my duty for king and fandom: The Maiden Penelope As Character. You may recall parts of this from [How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love Early Season Penelope]().

Meet Penelope. Her title is The Maiden. As in, The Maiden Penelope. And now she's married in canon, but that's okay, because her title is now Queen.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The Maiden Penelope is one of the many children of the royal couple who went from Mountain to Barrayar in Barrayar Classic. The Maiden is apparently some Mountain title, full of blah blah blah. Anyway, it's from the first movie, so I guess they decided to just go for it, because any continuity is good continuity, right?

Fandom isn't sure if this is [terrible]() or [really terrible but actually being decently subversive about it]().

Personally: it's really terrible.

That's not the big deal about Penelope. That could be ignored and shrugged off as Whatever, Canon. No, the big deal about Penelope is that she's living as a man when we meet her. How well she's passing is up for debate. That's the Passing!Fic debate, which will never die. They're on a space ship, fighting space pirates, having adventures and Penelope is or is not passing.

Certain people on the ship know who she is and therefore that she's a woman: Captain Vortalon knows who she is. He's the one who brought her on board. General Hazelbright knows who she is. He helped start the Barrayaran military, he's done some stuff politically, he knows her parents. He knows who she is. Varadar Tau knows who she is, although how is never explored.

Does anyone else know who she is? Does anyone else know she's a _woman_?

Canon is unclear.

Canon, to make matters worse, apparently does not care.

Canon, to make matters _even_ worse, apparently does not think it's important.

Fandom thinks it's important. Or militantly does not think it's important and that other people are blowing it completely out of proportion.

I am not kidding, this actually happened: I went to a con. I was talking to a bunch of people. I mentioned I write fic. Immediately, someone asked me about My Thoughts On Penelope. I once accidentally picked this argument at a _wedding_. Well, it was []()[**gregbleakman**]() and []()[**henri5**]() 's wedding, so it's not like guests arguing about Barrayar should have come as a surprise, but the point remains.

But let's be really clear about this: Penelope in the early seasons? Is a minor guest character. She is in _six_ episodes of the first season. In her sixth episode, she gets left at Ithaca Port because Vortalon's an asshole. When she returns, she's still passing, but it's the second season by that point. Penelope's actress isn't in the opening credits until the fourth season. Penelope is so poorly written that it's given fandom some excellent one liners, and also a lot of arguments about the treatment of female characters and if it's the responsibility of fandom to write them better or if they should just be left alone because how can you be In Character with a character like Penelope? You really can't win this argument.

So Penelope is divisive. She barely exists in the early seasons, but she can tear a room of Barrayar fans apart into prickly-skinned groups hurling insults at each other's understanding of canon in minutes.

Penelope eventually grows up into a woman who can keep up with Vortalon and tell him to go fuck himself. Everyone, at least, agrees this is a major improvement.

And in the last season to air, Penelope really shines. The eighth season took place during the Second Nexus War. Eventually, the Barrayarans win, but it's at a huge cost. There's an attack on Vashnoi, the capital of Barrayar. The old king and queen die in its defense. The military, with Hazelbright at its front, beat back the enemy at great cost. Hurrah, the good guys win. But now we have a problem and it's the problem of the monarchy. Mainly, there's a problem of succession. And then Stuff happens and it eventually comes down to: they needed a new king, and to make things legal, he had to be married to one of the old king's daughters. And he has to be Barrayaran born and a bunch of other details.

Basically, it's either Vortalon or ~~some guy who isn't nearly as pretty.~~ someone else, and Vortalon is a main character and the other guy is a guest star. So we know what's going to happen.

Penelope goes, "oh, fine. I don't abhor you anymore. We can work with that."

Vortalon and Penelope are married. They are crowned king and queen of Barrayar.

And so Penelope has gone from the character who was stowed away on Boat for the likely reason that Vortalon wants to fuck her away from parental supervision... to being politically-pressured into deciding to marry Vortalon because it was that or causing unending problems. Even people who were all YAY PENELOPE in S8 are very conflicted about how to read the Imperial Wedding. Is this good, with Penelope taking control and dictating what's going to happen and making order in her life and coming into her responsibilities? Or is this just more ways that the only thing important about Penelope is who she's sleeping with?

So, in short: yes, this is very much: oh, _Penelope_.

  


* * *

Helen ([]()[ **professorhelen**]() ) wrote in []()[**barrayaranmetacohort**]() ,

**  
_  
[Rescue!Fic: A conversation [Transcript]]()  
_  
**

_Rescue!Fic (n): A fic depicting the backstory story of Hazelbright rescuing Varadar Tau from the Dendarii during the First Nexus War; a fic depicting the immediate aftermath of the rescue; more broadly: Any fic dealing with the backstory of Hazelbright and Varadar Tau leading up to, and then culminating in, the rescue from the Dendarii._  


_Find more definitions in the[Meta Cohort Dictionary]()_

  
[]()[**professorhelen**]() : Okay, let's get started. Roll call and brief introduction.

[]()[ **professorhelen**]() : Helen. V/H and V/H/P shipper.

[]()[ **duvid**]() : Duvid or Duv. VT/H is my primary ship. Will read anything.

[]()[ **ekat**]() : Ekat. I don't consider myself a shipper. I primarily read gen and V/H.

[]()[ **del_or_ia_n**]() : Delia. Anything with Sonia as main or important character.

[]()[ **zamori**]() : Zamori. V/H.

[]()[ **professorhelen**]() : Anyone else want to jump in?

[]()[ **lattesandcandy**]() : Latte. Lurking mostly. Term paper due tomorrow. I might jump in depending on how my research goes.

[]()[ **ekat**]() : Good luck.

[]()[ **del_or_ia_n**]() : Yeah, good luck. Let me know if you want me to help look it over. Not that I know econ. So if I understand it, it's done well, I guess.

[]()[ **lattesandcandy**]() : Thanks.

[]()[ **professorhelen**]() : Okay, just got an e-mail from Riva saying she's got a work emergency and won't make it tonight. So let's get started.

[]()[ **ekat**]() : I would love to know what is a sudden work emergency for an astrophysicist.

[]()[ **del_or_ia_n**]() : Astrology has invaded.

[]()[ **ekat**]() : And is making demands.

[]()[ **del_or_ia_n**]() : Won't somebody please think of the zodiac.

[]()[ **duvid**]() : I would hate to have to negotiate with black holes. Riva, my not-here friend, you are braver than most.

[]()[ **professorhelen**]() : Academia is a battlefield.

[]()[ **professorhelen**]() : All right, getting started: Rescue fic. Yes/No/Other

[]()[ **duvid**]() : YES PLZ

[]()[ **del_or_ia_n**]() : How did I know you would jump on this? Ha.

[]()[ **duvid**]() : RESCUE FIC BE STILL MY HEART.

[]()[ **professorhelen**]() : Duv, would you like to throw something out there for the class?

[]()[ **duvid**]() : The best thing about rescue fic is its subversion of tropes.

[]()[ **del_or_ia_n**]() : Them's fighting words.

[]()[ **ekat**]() : Don't you usually say that the best thing about rescue fic is Hazelbright fucking him against a wall? I'm pretty sure that's the underlying theme of every rec you've ever done of rescue fic.

[]()[ **duvid**]() : I can appreciate it on multiple levels.

[]()[ **lattesandcandy**]() : Yes, on the first floor _and_ second floor computer labs.

[]()[ **duvid**]() : Rescue fic says their relationship is complicated. Rescue fic says Hazelbright pushes his advantage. Rescue fic says that the Barrayaran navy is willing to try all options. Rescue fic says that VT just wants someone to own him and love him and keep him. Rescue fic is about subverting the hero-rescues-damsel trope by having the damsel be a sarcastic, acerbic, cranky bandit, who also pushes his advantage. H could have taken Boat outright in payment for saving VT's life, and VT could have said, keep the ship, I'll steal another one. Rescue fic says conditional surrender. Rescue fic says, yes, fucking against walls and in bed. Rescue fic says that VT can go from bandit to privateer to a member of the Barrayaran navy and that this is something that's already codified in the Barrayaran navy law. Rescue fic says this has happened before and will happen again. Rescue fic is about trust and discussion and finding the balance and coming to terms with the way the world works

[]()[ **duvid**]() : and how you might like it to work. Rescue fic says: here is complicated. Complicated is good. VT isn't a bad guy, he isn't a good guy. There are no good guys and there are no bad guys. VT understands the pirates better than anyone. Rescue fic is saying that they're all right and they're all wrong. Rescue fic is saying that H knows this and accepts this and works within this system of how they are all chafing against each other but still understand each other. Rescue fic is about how wars end. Rescue fic is about working together. Rescue fic is about new beginnings.

[]()[ **ekat**]() : As someone who doesn't ship them at all, I appreciate rescue fic on the gen level, and I agree with Duv about the way rescue fic negotiates power issues between H and VT, especially in rescue fic that starts with the rescue and then moves towards H actually taking over Boat and how VT handles it. You make your bed, boy, and now you lie in it, as H says. And that's rescue fic for me.

**([Continued behind cut]() )**

* * *

miss martya ([]()[ **missmartya**]() ) wrote in []()[**thebarrayarfive**]() ,

**  
_  
[Five Fic]()  
_  
**

  
Title: Who Names Their Spaceship 'Boat' and Other Quandaries  
Pairings: Varadar Tau/Hazelbright  
Summary: Five names Varadar Tau didn't pick.

**([Click for fic!]() )**

  


* * *

Cordelia ([]()[ **captaincordelia**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Awesome Female Characters, Barrayar Version]()  
_  
**

Part of my [ongoing series]().

 _Penelope is awesome because..._ In the last season, we really saw Penelope start to shine. Penelope has always been my underdog favorite character because she begins as almost an afterthought and then gets forgotten about, brought back, leaves, comes back, and then stays. She goes from a guest character to a recurring character to a series regular. And last season, our patience paid off and we saw her take control of her surroundings, make her own decisions that have repercussions on everyone and not just her, and become a central character to the plot. On the sea of change, she is no longer being thrown around by the waves. She's the one making them.

 _Olivia is awesome because..._ In a cast of characters who all have instinctive responses to space pirates and banditry, running the gamut of Kill Them All (Vortalon and Penelope) to We Are Not Dissimilar (Varadar Tau), Olivia's the only one who _changes_. Olivia's from Mountain, and her views of them are therefore a lot less severe than the Barrayarans, but nowhere near as sympathetic as Varadar Tau. When they need to infiltrate and cause confusion, Olivia is the one who goes in as a spy and instigator, causing a mutiny, and delaying the war, giving the Barrayarans and Mountaineers more time to prepare.

And she's very pointedly from Mountain, which gives her multiple opportunities for awesomeness while on a Barrayaran navy ship. Hazelbright helped found the Barrayaran Navy and he's been Barrayaran so long that he's barely a Mountaineer anymore. Varadar Tau never was. Vortalon and Penelope are firmly Barrayaran and so is most of the crew. Olivia and Sonia stand alone as being Mountaineers. And Olivia uses it to her advantage. When the two navies are working together, Olivia's the one who has currency with both sides and isn't seen as being too much on the other. She's seen as the neutral party and can therefore get shit done.

She keeps her head through panic. She makes mistakes and owns up to them and works to fix them. She takes responsibility and is responsible. She is imperfect without being incompetent.

 _Sonia is awesome because..._ Sonia doesn't say much with words, but she can speak volumes without them. And when she does speak, she will tell you off. I will always treasure the look of pure scorn she gives Varadar Tau in Planetfall when she rips him to pieces. Sonia is loyal and competent and she's a very good friend. Olivia and Sonia have a great friendship and it's obvious how much they care about and for each other. They are both strong separately, but they know they are stronger together.

Relevant links of interest:

-Tomorrow, []()[**barrayaranmetacohort**]() [will have a series of comments-chats about passing!Penelope.]() I will be your host and topics-thrower.

  


* * *

Greg Bleakman ([]()[ **gregbleakman**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Welcome to puberty]()  
_  
**

It's promote your fandoms week around here and since everyone on my flist has risen to the challenge, I've decided to go with something slightly different.

I'm going to promote the MC. Feel free to steal him for other uses. He's willing to serve.

So, internet, meet Vortalon. Vortalon, meet internet.

Vortalon is the only main male character in Barrayar The Series that's actually new. Vorwyn "Do Not Call Me Vorwyn" Hazelbright was in the original movies (and being called Vorwyn). Varadar Tau is one of the Varadars, so even if he himself wasn't there, the entire character existed already under a different name. The Series gave us a young Barrayaran Captain named Piotr Vortalon.

What you need to know is that he's pretty. [Seriously]() [pretty](). His lips have been variously described as [gorgeous](), [cocksucking](), [tempting](), and [wow, he's got a mouth on him, doesn't he](), and that's by his _co-stars_. Yes, there's an actor RPF fandom. But that's not the point right now.

Vortalon's also much too smart for his own good. He's a smart ass, a wise ass, and, seriously, have you seen his ass? Or his eyelashes?

Long story short, Vortalon is pretty.

Imagine, if you will, wee!Greg. Me and my foster brothers were very excited when the series began. We'd loved the movies -- well, we'd loved the first three. The fourth went slightly over our heads. We were eager for space battles and daring fights and explosives and space ships and science fiction.

We got Vortalon.

Welcome to puberty, young Greg. Welcome to puberty.

  


* * *

Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Live From Barrayar (Promote Your Fandoms Week)]()  
_  
**

**Introduction:**

Picture yourself adrift in space, cut off from everything, just lying back and enjoying the view. Suddenly you're grabbed by an unseen force and pulled until you're inside a rickety ship that seems to be held together by spit, duct tape, and willpower. Your rescuer, or perhaps it is your captor, stands over you and says, "congratulations, you're on your way to Barrayar."

Within a short period of time, you find yourself making your way across a carved stone floor. Before you, you see two large doors. They open. You stumble as you walk towards the equally rickety village. This is Barrayar?, you wonder. Is it a planet? A village? An idea?

Oh, it is so much more than that. (Okay, it's a planet.)

The year is 1979. It is two years after Star Wars. The next seven years will bring four movies, all of them telling the brave and daring story of a few adventurers from the prosperous planet named Mountain.

No, they aren't very good at naming things in the future. That's not the point right now.

Mountain, as you can imagine from its name, has a lot of mountains. It also has a persistent smuggling and banditry problem. Those bandits call themselves the Varadars. Remember that name. It'll be important later.

In addition to its beautiful scenery -- as evidenced by matte paintings, of course -- Mountain also has a generous spirit and, oh, let's call it a thriving military culture. But it's hard to blame them. The future, you see, is full of dangers and wars. Mountain is in a pitched battle against a neighbor, being joined in it by several other neighbors, and being fought against by yet more neighbors. There are constantly shifting alliance and a whole host of problems.

In the mean time, Mountain is also dealing with an attempted coup. The ruling Parliament is rife with strife and troublemakers. This is not good. This is very not good.

The first movie is mostly about how very not good this is.

Getting things back under control requires an alliance with the Varadars, which is uneasy on both sides of it, and eventually, the troublemakers take over, are themselves ousted in a coup, and the end of the second movie finds us in a very uneasy peace between the divided Parliament, the Varadars, and the new kids on the block, the Barrayarans.

Because some of those adventurers and soldiers and, yes, some of the pirates, went off to Barrayar, an unsettled planet just down the proverbial block.

Barrayar's problem is that, in the ten or so years between them jetting off in the first movie and the middle of the second, they've become a tasty and tempting target, but don't have any resources available to fight their own wars. They're too busy creating something new to have anything left over to field a navy.

What Barrayar does have is a lot of empty space. It's a frontier planet, but it's also fraught with tensions. Pirates are using it as a base, which makes the neighbors very suspicious, and the Barrayaran merchants even more so.

Mountain and Barrayar come to a steady, stable agreement in the end about sharing of resources and protection and blah blah blah boring stuff. Mountain also ends up sending off two of the members of their royal family to Barrayar. Mountain's a constitutional monarchy, and Barrayar agrees to become one, too, as part of the deal.

That's the third movie.

Back home on Barrayar, the frontier is becoming less frontier-y. The royal couple are settling in, having kids, dealing with internal pressures. And meanwhile the Barrayarans are still working on setting up the planet and turning the capital from the backwater town your rescuers -- or perhaps your captors -- took you to, into a sprawling metropolis filled with city and commerce and trade and lots of other good things.

And then more stuff happens and that's the fourth movie. There's no need to explain it in comments; I am thoroughly familiar with the principles of the Barrayaran government, thank you very much, I just don't think it was very interesting or relevant.

So that was that. Four movies. Good enough for fandom, right? Not quite. The year is 1997. The place is Vancouver. The setting? Barrayar: The Series.

Which is totally not Barrayar: The Next Generation, not at _all_. What a vicious slander.

In a word, the series is about Pirates.

The enemy is now the Dendarii Pirates. The Varadars have an uneasy relationship with them, and Barrayar and Mountain are actively fighting them.

It's long enough since the movies that we now have a full generation of the Barrayaran Navy who were born and raised on Barrayar and have never been to Mountain. The brass are still the ones who left Mountain to start the Barrayaran Navy, but your average soldier is Barrayaran.

  
 **Your Guide To Characters**

Our six main characters are:

 _Piotr Vortalon:_ on paper, the main character, but that fades as the ensemble gets stronger. Actually, I like [Greg's summary](). Yes, the first most important thing is that he's pretty, and the second most important thing is that he's a wise ass. He's smarter than you and actually good at what he does, and he can be such an asshole. He gets somewhat better. Captain Vortalon is the audience-stand-in character and we see most of the first season through his eyes.

 _Vorwyn Hazelbright:_ a very minor character in the fourth movie, Even-His-Mother-Doesn't-Call-Him-Vorwyn Hazelbright is now a respected general. No longer one of the young soldiers in the movies who left Mountain to create Barrayar's military from the ground up, he's now a bad ass motherfucker general who will eat you for breakfast and have your bones for soup for lunch. Note to fandom: seriously, do not call him Vorwyn. He gets called it once in the entire series and that's when he was negotiating with the Mountain brass and he nearly strangled the guy who did. His own mother probably does not call him Vorwyn. If you want to live to see dinner, you'll call him sir.

 _Varadar Tau:_ Once a bandit, then a privateer, now an upstanding member of the Barrayaran military. He owns Boat until Hazelbright takes it. He and Hazelbright have [a history](). He's the only guy who can get away with talking back to Hazelbright.

 _The Maiden Penelope:_ one of the many children of the King and Queen of Barrayar from the movies. She's a minor character in the early seasons, but becomes a major character by the end. Currently the queen of Barrayar, married to Vortalon. Her closest friends are Olivia and Sonia.

 _Lady Olivia:_ One of the two Mountaineer characters (Hazelbright doesn't really count, until he does) along with Sonia. In the early seasons, she and Sonia are the only two women on the ship, so far as they know. Well, if they know about Penelope when she's there is up for (vigorous, vigorous, did I mention vigorous) debate. Olivia's from Mountain. She ran away from home. She's ranked pretty highly back home. She's Lady Olivia of Mountain Pass, which essentially means she's a VIP.

 _Lady Sonia_ : in canon, we don't know much about her. She's also from Mountain and she's been close friends with Olivia for some time. She's Olivia's sidekick in some ways. In the social order, because this at least canon has told us, Penelope outranks Olivia who outranks Sonia. So at least we know that Sonia, for all that she's also important on Mountain, is not nearly as important as Olivia. This is essentially all we know about Sonia's past. It's annoying.

Honorable mention goes to _Selig_ , Hazelbright's pet NCO.

  
 **Guide To Shipping**

_Penelope: Elusive, but tends towards femmeslash, with resurgent Vortalon/Penelope_

Penelope shows up more in gen than anything else. You'll see her in slash with Olivia and/or Sonia and in het with Vortalon. Because Hazelbright is a Barrayaran citizen, too, even though being a Mountaineer meant in canon he couldn't marry Penelope for Patriarchy purposes, since the hiatus started, there has been a lot of AU fic in which Hazelbright does marry Penelope. It's getting called various things, but everything I've seen, the Hazelbright/Penelope bits are not very big parts of it, and the ones that do have it, deal very well with the age difference and the fact that Hazelbright has known Penelope her entire life. It's more friend-marriage than fuck-marriage, which isn't exactly the case in Vortalon/Penelope marriage!fic.

_Olivia and Sonia: together, forever_

Olivia/Sonia is the main f/f pairing. You'll see them with other people, but unless it's Penelope, it's pretty rare. There's some Olivia/Vortalon, which was briefly a canon pairing, and some occasional Sonia/Varadar Tau grudgefucking. But mostly Olivia and Sonia come together.

_General Vorwyn Hazelbright: Big, bad, dangerous, and likely to be on top._

Fandom has decided that Hazelbright is probably the biggest dominant who ever walked into a bedroom. Canon bears this out. Seriously, call him sir. You don't want to walk home. It's a long, slow float, and you probably won't get a lift. (A moment of thought, please, for those stowaways, who are probably still shipwrecked on that frontier moon with no way of getting home.)

Exception: be Varadar Tau. Then you can talk back all you want and watch as Hazelbright ~~keeps upping the number of strokes you're getting in your spanking tonight~~ \-- oh, let's face it. Hazelbright/Varadar Tau is in a league of its own when it comes to canon not really noticing what it's doing when it gives us stuff.

For which we are very grateful.

_Captain Piotr Vortalon: Bendy, smart alec, thinks he's amazing in bed, likely to be on bottom unless he's on top_

Fandom has decided Vortalon bottoms for Hazelbright. Actually, fandom has decided he bottoms for _everyone_. You could throw in a character from another fandom who is also always written as the bottom, and if you slash him with Vortalon, Vortalon would _still_ be on the bottom.

There's an alternate theory that happily coexists with that one, which is that Vortalon is the second biggest dominant who ever walked into a bedroom. This is the "even prettier when he orders you to your knees" theory. It coexists so well with the bottom!Vortalon view that you'll often find the authors who write the most bottomy Vortalon will turn around and then jot off a quick Vortalon-throwing-someone-against-a-bulkhead-and-fucking-them-raw fic just because it's Friday and they're in a good mood.

There's even [two]() [fics]() in which bottom!Vortalon, that most excellent cocksucker, meets top!Vortalon, that most epic cocksuckee. It's pretty awesome.

So, that sums it up, right? Vortalon is so versatile that he's probably sleeping with everyone in the all-male-because-oh-networks crew, one way and/or another. Right?

Canon disagrees. Canon says that Vortalon might as well be Kirk.

Go ahead, make a Kirk/Spock joke. They've all been done before.

Vortalon in canon will sleep with any woman who crosses his path. Vortalon has been about to die and still [professed love for a character he'd barely so much as looked at for the previous nearly-four seasons](). Okay, so that one is known in fandom as WTF PLANETFALL, but that's beside the point. The point is, it's not out of the question for Vortalon to want to fuck a woman. It's that Vortalon, if he'd wanted to, would have been chatting her up since day one.

But anyway. You will see Vortalon with everyone. And considering that canon thinks he wants to fuck every woman he meets, it's not so much out of the way to assume he wants to fuck every _one_ he meets.

_Varadar Tau: Sarcastic, acerbic, occasionally bitter, and bottoming for Hazelbright_

And now, a brief digression for my OTP.

Imagine Han Solo. Not that he's taken off of Han Solo at all. [/sarcasm] But imagine a Han Solo. Imagine a Han Solo with no moral compass whatsoever. Imagine a Han Solo with no moral compass whatsoever while still being on the side of the good guys. But! But you get the distinct impression from the body language and interactions of the characters in question that the only reason he's _staying_ on the side of angels is because the badass motherfucker general is keeping him on a tight leash and keeping him in line with a whole lot of domineering sex and general dominance.

You can totally make the case Hazelbright dommed him into it. Hell, _canon_ basically makes that argument.

The backstory is: Varadar Tau is one of the Varadars. Whether or not his name is a name, a title, a mixture of both, or whatever, was something that was a question in the pilot and then never spoken of again. Canon shoved it under the rug, and under the rug it remains. He's Varadar Tau. That's all they care about.

He was a bandit. He was apparently a very good bandit. And then Hazelbright and the Barrayaran Navy caught up with him. Hazelbright thought he had some promise, though, so he told him to straighten up and fly right. And he kept catching up with him, taking all the contraband, and trying to turn him towards the side of ~~Hazelbright's cock~~ good.

Eventually, Hazelbright succeeds so much that Varadar Tau gets letters of marque and reprisal and becomes a privateer for Barrayar, because Barrayar really needed the help at that time.

Now, between the fourth movie and the series is the Nexus War, later modified to be the First Nexus War because a second one broke out. And in the first one, Varadar Tau gets captured. A bunch of other people got captured, too, but Varadar Tau is the important one, because he's the one telling this story.

Well, by 'story', I mean, he was the one who said off the cuff to Vortalon, "I've been his since he cut me out of the goddamn prison cell and stole my ship in exchange."

Yes, Hazelbright and the Barrayaran navy make a brave stand and, with great loss, manage to rescue a whole bunch of people. One of them is Varadar Tau.

Hazelbright has lost his flag ship in the fighting and is pretty pissed off about that. And here Varadar Tau is, and oh look, his ship, named Boat, is still in one piece, and it's a good ship, and it's fast and stealthy and a good fighter. So Hazelbright demands that Varadar Tau give his ship to Hazelbright to be his new flag ship and in exchange, well, Hazelbright won't just steal the damn ship. At least this way, Varadar Tau gets to still own it, even if he has to do whatever Hazelbright tells him to do with it.

This is known as Rescue Fic, by the way. And fic totally takes this to the part that happens after Hazelbright finishes reminiscing, which is when Hazelbright drags Varadar Tau off to bed to seal the deal.

But that's backstory. In the show, Hazelbright does end up actually stealing the ship. Boat eventually falls apart. The episode is called Planetfall. [There's a drinking game](). You may not want to do that drinking game with anything alcoholic. And then there's a hiatus and a movie and then at the end of it, there's Boat, shiny and new and repaired.

Cue the season premiere. Hazelbright and Varadar Tau are arguing. They are furiously pacing through the ship. Varadar Tau is showing off all the spiffy new things. Hazelbright goes, "yeah, so whose cock have you sucked _lately_." He's pretty annoyed and gruff and grumbly, even for him. We eventually discover that Hazelbright -- that is, the Barrayaran military -- has been the one paying for the new ship. They want it very awesome. Varadar Tau insists they have delivered the awesome.

And then Varadar Tau gets all quiet and he pats a bulkhead and says, "I'll sure miss her."

And as fandom collectively goes WTF, because there are actor contracts, goddammit, and spoilers and plot summaries and we know that Varadar Tau is in every episode this season, Hazelbright says, "don't get melodramatic, I'm keeping you, too. No, you're not allowed to argue, I don't want to hear it."

This is why certain people, including me, have no difficulty whatsoever in shipping them. And assuming their relationship is so very, very fucked up. Because it so very much is.

And that's Varadar Tau: bandit, privateer, possibly reformed member of the Barrayaran navy, complete and total asshole, and the man [who once called Hazelbright 'dad' when talking back to him](). ([Here's a fic index]() of all the daddy!kink fic it spawned in the time between that episode and the next. You're welcome.)

**And that's Barrayar.**

If you got through all of this and went "but what about the parents! What happened to everyone who was in the movies I watched when I was a kid? I want to know about them!", that's the [Barrayar Classic]() fandom. There's a fair amount of interactions and overlap, but there's certainly a large enough core of Barrayar Classic fans for you to spend a whole lot of time reading that fic without having to deal with the kids.

Penelope's parents make a couple cameos through the tv series before getting killed off, so you might want to check out those episodes, just for completeness sake. And technically Hazelbright _is_ a Classic character, too. And Marguerite shows up briefly in the sixth movie, so you could watch that also.

But the tv series is great (well, except for everything that isn't), so you should totally watch it! And if you don't want to watch it, you should still read fic for it!

[On The Good Ship]() is the main fandom archive. It covers all Barrayar, all the time. There's a Classic corner for those who swing that way. It's full of really awesome fic. You should check it out.

[Here's the main fandom tag on Archive of Our Own]().

As for communities: []()[**cafecaravanserai**]() is a large general-chat community. []()[**barrayaranmetacohort**]() is the meta comm where I spend most of my time. []()[**speakerspeaker**]() is a meta comm with an intra-fandom communications bent; the Cohort is about talking about the canon, Speaker Speaker is about talking about the fandom, essentially. []()[**keepbarrayingon**]() is a high-traffic all-pairings all-ratings fic posting community. []()[**kinkmebarrayar**]() is the kink meme, []()[**recmebarrayar**]() is the reccing comm. []()[**dailybarrayar**]() is the newsletter. []()[**thebarrayarfive**]() is for five things fics, []()[**thebarrayaronehundred**]() is for drabbles. []()[**barray_art**]() is an art posting community with weekly challenges. []()[**genmebarrayar**]() is gen-only, []()[**hetmebarrayar**]() is het-only, []()[**slashmebarrayar**]() is slash-only, []()[**slashmetoobarrayar**]() is a take-off of the previous one but for rarer pairings. []()[**helpmebarrayar**]() is for questions about canon and nitpicking. []()[**ficfindersfleet**]() will hunt down the fic you lost. [There are a lot more comms.]()

And that's all. [Carry on, Vortalon.]()

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Cordelia ([]()[ **captaincordelia**]() ) wrote in []()[**barrayaranmetacohort**]() ,

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[Penelope]()  
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Starting us off:

Penelope as wartime crossdresser. Yes/No/Other.

Begin.

  


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Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

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[Rec]()  
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Fic: [All The Worlds Beneath And Through]() by []()[**bel-the-cat**]().

Today I found myself in an elevator with M (we work in the same building) and we got to chatting and after making sure I was keeping Latte in coffee and sweets in the manner to which she is accustomed and Greg doesn't have to start sending her things for Valentine's Day again -- it's a very long story and entirely M's fault -- we started arguing about OTPs and preferred pairings.

M told me to check this fic out as soon as I could because it would make me believe in Varadar Tau/Penelope. I told him nothing short of an invasion by Barrayar into the realm of suspension of disbelief could make me believe in Varadar Tau/Penelope.

And it's not that, but considering that I was coming into it with the baggage of finding this pairing completely implausible, I really enjoyed the fic and found it a thoughtful, interesting, and very subversive take on the canon.

It's very strictly canon, but it approaches it from the point of view of Varadar Tau As _Reformed_ Space Pirate. A lot of fic -- including, full disclosure, some of my favorites -- like to play with Varadar Tau's motives and the undertones of his Deal with Hazelbright. Bel deals with the _implications_ of it, how he's stuck with it for this long. This isn't Varadar Tau as cardboard-cut-out repentant sinner; it's a very nuanced view of the character as deeply flawed but trying to build something better and something new.

Bel's Penelope, in turn, is a character who, like in canon, hates space pirates on principle, and has reason to hate Varadar Tau himself. But she's also the character we only ever hear Hazelbright mention but never actually see: a young Barrayaran woman growing up in the early days of the planet, who understands the place everything has in building a new world, and trusts Hazelbright's judgment completely. And since Hazelbright is saying 'try to get along with Varadar Tau', Penelope tries. And that trying turns to grudging respect and turns to a grudging friendship and by the time romance is blooming, they've earned their happy ending.

The interactions between Varadar Tau and Penelope are the best thing about this fic, because Bel takes the antagonism of canon and pulls it, tugging by bits and pieces, until finding the place where they can come together and stop talking at each other, but start talking to each other.

Bel takes a pairing I can't believe in and shows the way to read it into canon and make it work. Which is always one of the coolest things about fic.

  


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Latte ([]()[ **lattesandcandy**]() ) wrote,

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[Party in Greg's journal!]()  
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Via []()[**duvid**]() via []()[**mnais**]() via []()[**ivantheterrible**]() via []()[**alysoutofwonderland**]() : [Greg's hosting a friending meme party!]()

Yes, I could have just gotten that directly from Greg, but it was very amusing watching the chain of it go down my flist.

I'm there! So are Duv and M and Ivan and Alys and Greg and a bunch of other people! Come down and introduce yourself. We aren't scary and we don't bite.

  


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Rivalicious ([]()[ **rivalicious**]() ) wrote in []()[**keepbarrayingon**]() ,

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[Romantic Comedy Trope #191 (1/1)]()  
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Title: Romantic Comedy Trope #191  
Author: []()[**rivalicious**]()  
Pairing: Olivia/Sonia  
Series: [Life Is Not A...]()  
Summary: "You know it's a romance because it ends with a wedding. If it ends in the morgue, it's a _tragedy._ " Known to those in my WIP filter as The One With The Buttons. A WIP no more!

  
[On my journal]()  
[On OTGS]()  
[On Ao3]()

  


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Latte ([]()[ **lattesandcandy**]() ) wrote,

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[STICKY POST: 5 Things I Assume You Know About Me!]()  
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Stolen shamelessly from []()[**rivalicious**]() , five things I just assume you know!

  

  1. Call me ~~Ishmael~~ Latte.
  2. I'm a student at the University of Vorbarr Sultana (go fighting starfish!) where I'm double majoring in logistics and macroeconomics and minoring in linguistics. I'm doing a certificate in Russian literature.
  3. I have no siblings. This is strangely important sometimes and I don't know why. But there you go. No siblings for me!
  4. My current favorite thing I've done is A Play For Voices, which I wrote while taking a theater course and oh how it shows
  5. MY LITTLE PONY FOREVER. ♥



Oh, and my fic index is [here](). </shameless plug for readers>

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miss martya ([]()[ **missmartya**]() ) wrote in []()[**thebarrayarfive**]() ,

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[Five Fic]()  
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Title: The Maiden And The Queen  
Pairing: Penelope/Olivia  
Summary: Five times Penelope and Olivia visited Penelope's parents.

**([Click for fic!]() )**

  


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Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

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[My Day Is In Triplicate]()  
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All right, I've done it.

The RL paperwork is all filled out. My gmail account has been switched over. It's all over but the tears.

I'm calling my parents now.

I don't know why my father would get upset. It's not as if our last name hasn't been chopped around a few dozen times in the last two centuries, and all I'm doing to my first name is shortening it to the nickname I've been using since I was four anyway. This isn't a huge change, so I'm trying to spin this as Not A Big Deal At All. But my father's a very upsettable person these days, so who knows.

[]()[ **lattesandcandy**]() and []()[**youmaycallmesenator**]() will let everyone know if crockery gets thrown and/or I need a character witness for fandom who isn't my girlfriend or my aunt.

If I look shell-shocked tomorrow in class, I will tell the professors that the internet told me to do it.

  


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Henri ([]()[ **henri5**]() ) wrote,

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[How I Know My SO Gets Bored While I'm Away]()  
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Because I [saw this](http://fuckyeahfanficflamingo.tumblr.com/post/14117259373/partner-writing-hard-core-bdsm) [on](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fanfic_Flamingo) [](http://fuckyeahfanficflamingo.tumblr.com)[**fuckyeahfanficflamingo**](http://fuckyeahfanficflamingo.tumblr.com) :

  


[PARTNER WRITING HARD CORE BDSM ON INTERNET (Fanfic Flamingo) MUST BE TUESDAY]

  
I, naturally, have no idea what he's talking about. _Wednesdays_ are hard core BDSM days. Tuesdays are fluffy puppies and cuddle!fic. Honestly, it's like he doesn't even know me.

Oh, you wanted the hard core BDSM?

[ **The Quiet Ones**]() (8735 words) by []()[**henri5**](), []()[**donogenerate**]()  
Fandom: [Barrayar (TV)]()  
Rating: Explicit  
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply  
Relationships: Passing!Penelope/Lady Olivia  
Characters: The Maiden Penelope, Lady Olivia, Lady Sonia, Piotr Vortalon, Vorwyn Hazelbright, Varadar Tau  
Summary:

_Regulations state: The only good woman is a man._

  


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Admiral ([]()[ **admiralaral**]() ) wrote in []()[**barray_art**]() ,

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[Nude Study [Penelope week]]()  
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Name of piece: _Nude Study: Penelope By The Window_

Medium: Pencil.

Original publish date for piece: 22 January 2009

Where is it available: [At my art journal]().

Are icons available: Yes.

  


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miss martya ([]()[ **missmartya**]() ) wrote in []()[**thebarrayarfive**]() ,

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[Five Fic]()  
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Title: Some Assembly Required  
Pairing: Hazelbright/Varadar Tau  
Summary: Five bizarre upgrades Hazelbright ordered Varadar Tau to make before he would commandeer the ship.

**([Click for fic!]() )**

  


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Benin ([]()[ **dagdigs**]() ) wrote,

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[Fool Me Three Times]()  
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Oh, come on, fandom. How much longer are we supposed to pretend that []()[**mnais**]() and []()[**markymark**]() are two different people? I just got back from []()[**nexuscon**]() over the weekend and supposedly they were both there, but I never saw them in the same place at the same time. But I did see some guy wearing a ratty xkcd Science sweatshirt and jeans and answering to both M and Mark.

My friend Tabor said he did see them in a room together, but he was pretty drunk by that point, so I'm disinclined to believe him.

Okay, so they say they're identical twins. But every pair of identical twins I know as adults neither dress exactly the same nor have the same damn military haircut. If they were in the military, maybe. But they're not.

Come on, fandom. Remember []()[**dendariimercenary**]()? It's M playing his attention games all over again. Stop feeling the troll.

  


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Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

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[Rec]()  
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[Tell Her You Love Her]() by []()[**drou**]() was my favorite fic to come out of []()[**bigbangbarrayar**]() 's 2008 theme: the revenge of the romantic comedy. This is Olivia/Sonia with all the hijinks you expect of a romantic comedy, but with all of the excellent characterization you usually don't get in one of those.

Olivia and Sonia are both vets back from the war and have started working for the same small business. They're both single and very attracted to each other, but are both hesitant about making the first move. They're both bringing baggage to the table and Drou skillfully weaves their flirtation with the revelations about what they've seen and what they've done. Sonia comes from a family that can't believe she became a soldier, while Olivia is the one who is ashamed of her family and how she thinks they might respond to her bringing Sonia home to meet them.

And in the end, they live happily ever after, as everyone in a romantic comedy should.

  


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miss martya ([]()[ **missmartya**]() ) wrote in []()[**thebarrayarfive**]() ,

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[Five Fic]()  
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Title: I Want Your Sex  
Pairings: Vortalon/Hazelbright, Vortalon/Varadar Tau, Vortalon/Sonia, Vortalon/Olivia, Vortalon/Penelope  
Summary: Five times Vortalon showed off his sexual prowess.

**([Click for fic!]() )**

  


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Dono ([]()[ **donogenerate**]() ) wrote,

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[Picking The Passing!Penelope Fight Again]()  
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A comments thread on my last post, bumped up to its own post for wider discussion with permission

>   
> 
> 
> []()[**lattesandcandy**]() : In the Penelope debate, I come down on the side of passing!Penelope, even though I've written ten or so fics dealing with alternate scenarios. Passing!Penelope is too awesome to disbelieve.
> 
> []()[**kareeningtowardsbethlehem**]() : It's not plausible, though.
> 
> []()[**lattesandcandy**]() : Doesn't mean it's not awesome.
> 
> []()[**kareeningtowardsbethlehem**]() : Being awesome or not isn't a factor. Vortalon's crush on Sonia isn't awesome and it's certainly canon. Oh, season four.
> 
> []()[**lattesandcandy**]() : Hazelbright fucked it out of him later. That's why he never mentioned that crush again. Hazelbright cured it with the magical power of his cock.
> 
> []()[**duvid**]() : Well, that's certainly more plausible than the actual canon about that. What a bizarre season finale Planetfall was. But what makes you think S4!Hazelbright would ever condescend to touch Vortalon, even with somebody else's cock?
> 
> []()[**kareeningtowardsbethlehem**]() : Hazelbright touching him with someone else's cock -- I would read that fic.
> 
> []()[**donogenerate**]() : Already exists. It's somewhere in Henri's back catalogue.
> 
> []()[**henri5**]() : [Here.]() It's unrepentant Vortalon/Hazelbright/Varadar Tau porn. Not that you'd be expecting anything else.
> 
> []()[**sillyan**]() : My biggest problem with passing!Penelope isn't plausibility. It's her motivations.
> 
> []()[**donogenerate**]() : But why does Penelope do anything? That's half the problem. She isn't tabula rasa, but in the early season, she's damn close. She doesn't achieve character development until much later.
> 
> []()[**alysoutofwonderland**]() : I'd argue she never does.
> 
> []()[**lattesandcandy**]() : She does, but it's a quiet shift.
> 
> []()[**alysoutofwonderland**]() : The actress is doing all the work. It's not as if the writing for Penelope has ever been great. The fact that you have to read her as passing for her motivations to make any sense isn't saying anything great about the series. It's actually a scathing indictment of the way the character was written.
> 
> []()[**donogenerate**]() : Maybe it's nothing great about the series, but it's a gold mine for fandom once you start digging.
> 
> []()[**alysoutofwonderland**]() : Sure, but it being good fic isn't that great a reason to argue that it's a valid reading of canon. I think it's fandom seeing what it wants to see and that's a female character in Season One who wasn't Olivia and Sonia and enforcing the status quo or scared of pissing off Vortalon. But that's not what we got on the screen.
> 
> []()[**sillyan**]() : If you want to talk about the status quo, let's not forget to mention that in the first season, she's canonically sleeping with him. Varadar Tau implies that Vortalon stowed her away for the single purpose of fucking her for the entire journey before presumably dumping her at Ithaca Port like he did in the two-parter.
> 
> []()[**kareeningtowardsbethlehem**]() : Not canonically sleeping with him. Yes, he sneered when he mentioned her virtue, but they were still calling her The Maiden continuously back then. Canonically, Varadar Tau is 1) an asshole, 2) disrespecting Penelope, and 3) implying that Vortalon _isn't_ sleeping with her and that that fact reflects poorly on _Vortalon_. Vortalon brought her along for some reason, but even if it was fucking her, canonically, he wasn't.
> 
> []()[**oliviaonmars**]() : I think it's a scathing indictment that you can even have the conversation that writing S1!Penelope as having agency makes her OOC.
> 
> []()[**sillyan**]() : There's implications that she gave him a blowjob before the pirates opened fire.
> 
> []()[**kareeningtowardsbethlehem**]() : Sil, crude barracks jokes are not meant to be taken as unquestioned fact. I thought you'd been in the military?
> 
> []()[**sillyan**]() : I could write an epic. Some things just sear into your mind. But that was the way they were discussing it: not bragging because they want to, but because they have.
> 
> []()[**alysoutofwonderland**]() : Why does it matter if they had sex or not? Vortalon and Varadar Tau both knew who she was, and Olivia and Sonia canonically did not.
> 
> []()[**donogenerate**]() : Taking that further, then, Alys: why does it matter if she was passing? Or why would it matter if she wasn't? If she was, then her interactions with Sonia and Olivia suddenly become actually important to the plot and filled with tension.
> 
> []()[**alysoutofwonderland**]() : I timed it once. Penelope is in a room alone with Sonia and/or Olivia for less than five minutes total for the first two seasons. Face it, all of the good stuff happens off-screen, which means it happens in fic, which means it isn't canon.
> 
> []()[**lattesandcandy**]() : All right, but I still think it's awesome.  
> 

Carry on.

  


* * *

Your Barrayaran Overlords ([]()[ **yourbarrayaranoverlords**]() ) wrote in []()[**keepbarrayingon**]() ,

**  
_  
[Announcing The Fic Fest With A Meta Twist!]()  
_  
**

[]()[**duvid**]() has graciously volunteered to draft the meta cohort into invading this part of fandom for something we've been calling Not At All A Big Bang Offshoot Of Course Not.

How it works:

YOU: An author or meta creator or an author who writes meta.

US: Your cheerful []()[**keepbarrayingon**]() mods: []()[**lattesandcandy**]() and []()[**gregbleakman**]() , plus []()[**duvid**]() as cheerleader and all-around coffee fetcher.

WHAT WE WILL DO: Match you!

WHAT YOU WILL DO: Coordinate a fic and meta creation around a theme or issue of your choice.

WHEN THIS IS DUE: Like everything involving navel-gazing, this is due sooner than you always assume it will be. Oh, you want a date? THE IDES OF MARCH. Sign-ups close on New Year's Eve or as near to that as we remember.

SIZE MATTERS: Fic creations must be at least 1000 words. Meta creations must be at least 500 words.

HOW TO SIGN UP: Comment here with the following information:

 **< b> Name you want to be called: </b>** [If you are signing up as a writing or meta group, list every group member and use the same order for journal and e-mail information.]

**< b> Journal: </b> **

**< b> E-mail: </b>**

**< b> I am signing up for: </b>** [fic OR meta. If you want to sign up to play both sides, please do two sign-ups.]

**< b> Do you care strongly about TVverse vs movieverse? If so, which one do you prefer: </b>**

**< b> Do you care strongly about pairings? If so, what is/are your preferred pairing(s): </b>**

**< b> Kinks: </b>**

**< b> Squicks: </b>**

  


* * *

Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Rec]()  
_  
**

  
While playing with the random story link at On The Good Ship, I found [Love And Its Afterthoughts]() by []()[**theprincessxav**](). It was written in the middle of season two and it shows. It's a great capsule of where the show was at that point and the futurefic aspects are a really thought-provoking way the series could have gone and didn't. I love the way []()[**theprincessxav**]() dealt with the aftermaths of the battle and Vortalon being shipwrecked and her Olivia is one who hasn't gotten pummeled by season three yet and never does. Olivia is strong and competent and when she goes back to Mountain, you know what's going to happen but you can't look away because this is an Olivia who could take the hits and keep going until she won. Olivia's mother's POV of her journey in the interludes is poignant and perfect.

Even if you don't believe in Vortalon/Olivia, you will after reading this. This is Vortalon/Olivia we didn't get in canon and if we had, you can only just imagine how season five would have gone.

  


* * *

  
Dono ([]()[ **donogenerate**]() ) wrote in []()[**keepbarrayingon**]() ,

**  
_  
[Imperium: Mysterious In Amorous Array (1/1)]()  
_  
**

This begins the Imperium series, a future fic shared universe series taking off from the hiatus. It will be heavily Vortalon/Hazelbright with elements of dubcon as Vortalon stretches his wings and finds the limits of his new power. There will also be Penelope/Olivia, which is con, and background Penelope/Vortalon that is non-explicit consensual marital sex.

The comm for this shared universe is []()[**barrayaranimperium**](). Other authors taking part in this shared universe are []()[**allegromoderato**]() , []()[**captaincordelia**]() , []()[**drou**]() , []()[**gregbleakman**]() , []()[**henri5**]() , []()[**lattesandcandy**]() , []()[**mnais**]() , []()[**oliviaonmars**]() , []()[**pym-rm**]() , []()[**sillyan**]() , and []()[**theprincessxav**](). The illustrations are by []()[**admiralaral**]().

Fics will be posted every two days, finishing up the morning of the new film's premiere. It is a mix of tv and film canon and wherever there was a conflict, we went with whatever worked better for the fic.

  
Title: Mysterious In Amorous Array  
Authors: []()[**donogenerate**]() and []()[**alysoutofwonderland**]()  
Pairing (fic): Vortalon/Hazelbright  
Pairings (series): Vortalon/Hazelbright, Penelope/Olivia, Vortalon/Penelope  
Summary: They see the king and his favored counselor. Hazelbright sees a muddy recruit who couldn't use a sword. And Vortalon sees a problem.

  
 **([Imperium]() )**

  


* * *

miss martya ([]()[ **missmartya**]() ) wrote in []()[**thebarrayarfive**]() ,

**  
_  
[Five Fic]()  
_  
**

  
Title: Boundaries  
Pairings: Vortalon/Varadar Tau  
Summary: Five times Vortalon wanted to lose control.

**([Click for fic!]() )**

  


* * *

Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

**  
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[Three Short'n'quick Recs]()  
_  
**

Rec the first:

A lot of what Barrayar is about is loyalty. Scratch beneath the thin veneer of let's-shoot-pirates-yay-explosions is a touching story about the bonds of love and loyalty.

[Onwards]() by []()[**pym-rm**]() is about the other side of the loyalty pairings we usually see. It's Hazelbright's POV on Varadar Tau, Sonia's POV on Olivia, and Penelope's POV on Vortalon. These are the loyalty pairings we know, but by POV-shifting *all* of them away from how they're usually written, Pym draws parallels and shows us rhymes we haven't seen before.

I think the best bit is when they all come together and you see how it's all just one big gestalt: that Barrayar and Boat bind them all together, and deep and true emotions run pure through it all, no matter which POV we're in.

  
Rec the second:

[If It Hurts, Don't Poke It]() by []()[**captaincordelia**]().

Haven't you always wanted the one where Hazelbright is a school nurse and the rest of the cast are six year olds? From Varadar Tau's runny nose to Penelope's skinned knee to Vortalon getting pink eye and everyone wanting band-aids with sailboats on them, this is the school!AU you didn't know you wanted until Cordelia told you that you did and now you can't stop grinning.

Poor Hazelbright. The things we do to this man.

Rec the third:

Poor Boat. It gets trampled on every time there's a drill, shot at every time there's a fight, bruised and banged up during maintenance, and worse of all, suffered through Planetfall. It's enough to make even the most easy-going and helpful spaceship tear its hair out.

Enter [Anthropomorphism]() by []()[**equinn**]() , which could be said to be a fix-it fic for the terrible way the series treats its most reliable character. Quinn gives Boat a new shine and gently cleans away the scuff marks and the dents. Boat positively frolics by the end. And the Varadar Tau epilogue is just icing on the cake.

  


* * *

  
Rivalicious ([]()[ **rivalicious**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Friday Poll Time!]()  
_  
**

  


**[Poll #8749]()** _Friday Poll Time!_

Open to: **All** , detailed results viewable to: **All** , participants: 0  
[ [Display Results]() ] &nbsp [ [ Clear Answers]() ]

Would you rather

reign in hell  
serve in heaven  


Do you think all of the Millennium Prize Problems will be solved in your lifetime?

Yes  
No  


Was your current age a factor in your answer for 2?

Yes  
No  


Ideas for next Friday's random poll:

* * *

Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

**  
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[More About Names]()  
_  
**

  
For the six of you who are not yet sick of the Name Debacle, also known as FANDOM HAS ALL THE NAMES THERE ARE NONE LEFT FOR YOU:

[]()[ **kareeningtowardsbethlehem**]() at []()[**speakerspeaker**]() will be hosting a moderated discussion round table on Friday. I have been invited to take part and I hope everyone who's interested will contribute and/or follow along. As always, you can choose your level of involvement in the discussion: you can add yourself to the table, you can leave the table at any time, you can join as part of a group that's treated as one unit, you can contribute questions and comments from the gallery, or you can watch from the sidelines. Anyway, I hope you find it as interesting and illuminating and thought-provoking as I've felt throughout this discussion and I'm sure I will during this part of it.

Before Friday, I'm going to brush up by rereading my copies of []()[**drou**]() and []()[**captaincordelia**]() 's articles: _Thank You But I Already Have A Middle Name: A Socio-Economic Analysis Of Married Names_ and _Thank You But I Do Have A Last Name: Being A Woman In Combat_ , and []()[**theprincessxav**]() 's [previously-hosted discussion]() revolving around the use of pseudonyms in professional settings, with a focus on authors, actors, and musicians. Because wouldn't you?

Alphabetical list of current Speakerspeaker participants as of Beth's latest list with their preferred username and their submitted brief information for the "who's sitting around the table" list.

[]()[ **alysoutofwonderland**]() : feminism and women's rights.

[]()[ **bel-the-cat**]() : intersex perspective

[]()[ **captaincordelia**]() and []()[**drou**]() : Professional vs. private: the politics of women's names.

[]()[ **sillyan**]() : online security and safety

[]()[ **dagdigs**]() and []()[**pelmell**]() : fannish diversity and the necessity for policies of inclusion

[]()[ **donogenerate**]() : trans perspective.

[]()[ **duvid**]() : ~~token straight white cisgender male college student~~ name changing as personal preference

[]()[ **lisasato**]() : underserved populations and the societal risks of activism without pseuds.

[]()[ **markymark**]() : names as identity and identity as names.

[]()[ **mnais**]() : pseuds as life-style choice.

[]()[ **theprincessxav**]() : pseudonymity and professionalism: not a dirty word.

  


* * *

miss martya ([]()[ **missmartya**]() ) wrote in []()[**thebarrayarfive**]() ,

**  
_  
[Five Fic]()  
_  
**

  
Title: Rank Hath Its Privileges  
Pairing: Olivia/Sonia  
Summary: Five times Olivia pulled rank.

**([Click for fic!]() )**

  


* * *

Latte ([]()[ **lattesandcandy**]() ) wrote in []()[**cafecaravanserai**]() ,

**  
_  
[Who wants a UVS meet-up? YOU want a UVS meet-up!]()  
_  
**

  
Calling all UVS folks and those who live in the nearby areas! Meet us by the Birch and we'll go get ourselves some ~~motherfucking lattes and some motherfucking candy~~ refreshments and head down to the theater for the midnight showing.

Tickets will sell-out so buy early, buy often!

Me and Duvid will be the ones in the Vorbarr Sultana Starfish sweaters and jeans. I'm the short one, he's the tall one. If you can't find us, find something to stand on and look around for the guy a head taller than everyone else. That's Duvid. He's quite handy to have around.

* * *

Admiral ([]()[ **admiralaral**]() ) wrote in []()[**barray_art**]() ,

**  
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[Bear and Club [Present Day Update week]]()  
_  
**

Name of piece: _Bear and Cub: Hazelbright and Vortalon_

Medium: Pencil.

Original publish date for piece: 11 August 2006

Where is it available: [At my art journal]().

Are icons available: Yes.

  


* * *

Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote in []()[**barrayaranmetacohort**]() ,

**  
_  
[Who's Up For A Rewatch?]()  
_  
**

Anyone up for a group rewatch of Mountain? I'll make popcorn and ~~Olivia'll make the mistakes~~ bring the alcohol.

Chat room opens Friday night, midnight UTC. We'll get started when the room's settled.

  


* * *

  
Dono ([]()[ **donogenerate**]() ) wrote in []()[**keepbarrayingon**]() ,

**  
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[Imperium: Take It Slow (1/1)]()  
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**

Seventh in the Imperium series. This fic contains con Penelope/Olivia, but background dubcon Vortalon/Hazelbright.

The comm for this shared universe is []()[**barrayaranimperium**](). Full list of authors taking part in this shared universe: []()[**allegromoderato**]() , []()[**captaincordelia**]() , []()[**donogenerate**]() , []()[**drou**]() , []()[**gregbleakman**]() , []()[**henri5**]() , []()[**lattesandcandy**]() , []()[**mnais**]() , []()[**oliviaonmars**]() , []()[**pym-rm**]() , []()[**sillyan**]() , and []()[**theprincessxav**](). The illustrations are by []()[**admiralaral**]().

  
Title: Take It Slow  
Author: []()[**oliviaonmars**]()  
Pairing (fic): Penelope/Olivia  
Pairings (series): Vortalon/Hazelbright, Penelope/Olivia, Vortalon/Penelope  
Summary: Olivia has to be careful these days. She's not used to it.

**([Imperium]() )**

  


* * *

Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Rec]()  
_  
**

Varadar Tau is an ex-privateer who is not exactly in touch with his feelings. Certain people would say this is the pot calling the kettle emotionally constipated, but the point remains. Varadar Tau gets very uncomfortable with emotions, which is why []()[**sillyan**]() 's [Portrait of the Artist as a Young Bandit]() and [Marque and Reprisal]() are so delicious.

We begin with a young Varadar Tau being boarded by Hazelbright -- no, not like that, that comes later -- and being very confused and conflicted. Hazelbright threatens to rip his throat out if he catches him with stolen goods again, and poor Varadar Tau finds himself fantasizing about Hazelbright's teeth biting into his neck in a completely different context, and is quite perplexed by why he would ever find someone like Hazelbright attractive in any way.

As Varadar Tau slowly lets Hazelbright take him under his wing and make an honest man out of him, you get all of these entertaining glimpses of Hazelbright through Varadar Tau's complete incomprehension. And you can see what Hazelbright sees, especially in that bit when Varadar Tau tells Hazelbright he's going to go privateer, that Varadar Tau has potential, and how frustrating it must be for Hazelbright to watch it being squandered on a life of piracy and debauchery, with no stabling influences except the sobering effect of life-threatening danger that happens quite often, this being in the lead up to the war.

And just when Varadar Tau is starting to consider making a move on Hazelbright, because fuck it, he's Varadar Tau, and if he wants something, he's going to go after it, and all obstacles be damned, then he gets captured.

You know that bit in Forthright where Varadar Tau reminisces about Hazelbright saving him from the brig and demanding _him_ in compensation?

No, of course you don't, because Varadar Tau in canon only says that Hazelbright demanded he sign on with the Navy and donate the use of Boat as Hazelbright's flag ship, because the last one just got blown up. But after reading Sil's fics, you will never watch that scene again and hear the details of The Deal the way canon wants you to. You're going to see Varadar Tau on his knees and Hazelbright demanding _him_ in exchange. And you'll see Varadar Tau going willingly -- nay, eagerly -- because he's finally figured out emotions enough to know that he YES PLZ wants it.

As it should be.

Rescue!Fic at its best.

  


* * *

Rivalicious ([]()[ **rivalicious**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[There's no such thing as too much jello or too much canon]()  
_  
**

  
So I wrote the one about Vortalon totally fucking over Hazelbright and I thought that was, to put it politely, an interesting view of the character. Actually, I thought it was a total self-indulgence fic because I was out of jello and it was one of Those kinds of days. I have a cold and I have a really fucked up relationship with any medication that's supposed to calm you down and make you all happy. I get all calm and happy, yes, but I also start writing ALL of the things. And then I come off of it and look at what I've written and wonder who the fuck wrote it.

I was talking about the fic with []()[**sweetanna**]() , who thinks I shouldn't talk about it and just post it, because it's not like Vortalon taking Hazelbright up against a bulkhead and then commandeering the ship and throwing Hazelbright into the brig where he fucks him a whole lot more is something that anyone is going to find scandalous or even probably worthy of having a warning stuck on. As Anna said, you could conceivably see him doing that during Planetfall if he thought it was going to work. Well, Planetfall's got really fucked up characterizations, but we knew that.

Anna thinks this is part of an issue that we've discussed before, the concept of if you'd rather have Too Little Canon or Too Much Canon. Considering that my major fandoms all have Too Much Canon -- Star Trek, Barrayar, Star Wars, Doctor Who and I'm so excited for Avengers that I'm relearning everything I used to know about how much the concept of comics canon makes Doctor Who's look _sensible_ \-- I come down very hard on the side of the argument that you can never have too much canon. With too much canon, you can pick and choose which canon you like, and it's easier to find a canon excuse for things when you have an excess of canon.

Anna, on the other hand, wants Just Enough Canon, but that's a difficult beast to try to find. She keeps getting into Too Little Canon fandoms. I tell her that's because she keeps falling for movie canons. When you only have two hours for your canon, you aren't going to get as much as you would with something as broad as Stargate.

Long story short: if any of you know of any Just Enough Canon fandoms, Anna would appreciate recs.

And I have to get back to revising this Vortalon/Hazelbright hatesex fic that I wrote while high on Dayquil. o.O

  


* * *

  
Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Rec]()  
_  
**

More fun with On The Good Ship's Random Story link: [And Then Some]() by []()[**captaincordelia**]().

I've read this one before but it's been a while. It's a fandom classic, so I'm sure you've read it already, too. But it deserves a reread especially in light of the last tv season, rumors of another spin-off, and the trainwreck that was canon!Vortalon/Olivia.

It's Olivia/Sonia precanon and it's the source for most of the fanon about Sonia's background. And it's extremely intricately detailed and plotted. Cordelia takes it slow and as you meander through Sonia's point of view on things, certain things suddenly stand out in loud, vibrating, neon contrast. Canon eventually gave us Penelope and Olivia's backgrounds, but Sonia's always been a little spare. And that's good. Because we'd all be comparing it to the web that Cordelia wove in _And Then Some_ and we'd probably be finding it wanting.

  


* * *

Your Barrayaran Overlords ([]()[ **yourbarrayaranoverlords**]() ) wrote in []()[**keepbarrayingon**]() ,

**  
_  
[MOD POST]()  
_  
**

Hear ye, hear ye. The spoiler policy **has not changed**. All spoilers **must** be behind a cut. If your fic contains spoilers, **put it somewhere in the headings**.

The spoiler policy goes boom as soon as the movie has been released _anywhere_ in the world, so just hold on a little longer.

While we ask that spoilers be marked for _one month_ after release, we do not enforce that. Still, it's a nice thing to do for those who can't get their hands on it quickly through whatever method.

For those who are wary of spoilers, sister community []()[**cafecaravanserai**]() has, as always, [put up a "does it spoil?" post]() for you to find out before you read the fic if it includes spoilers. We encourage those who are spoiled to help keep those who want to remain unspoiled away from spoilers, and we encourage authors to be proactive and list their fics's spoiler statuses there.

TL;DR: UNTIL NEXT WEEK, WE WILL DELETE YOUR POST IF THERE ARE UNMARKED SPOILERS.

**IF IN DOUBT, WARN FOR IT.**

Your uncapslocking mods,  
[]()[ **lattesandcandy**]() and []()[**gregbleakman**]()

  


* * *

Latte ([]()[ **lattesandcandy**]() ) wrote in []()[**keepbarrayingon**]() ,

**  
_  
[An Appeal To Protocol (1/1)]()  
_  
**

  
Title: An Appeal To Protocol  
Pairing: The Maiden Penelope/Lady Sonia  
Authors: []()[**lattesandcandy**]() and []()[**alysoutofwonderland**]()  
Rating: Mature  
Summary: The rules of precedence have strange applications. Passing!Penelope!fic.

  


  


[ An Appeal To Protocol]

  
[Read on OTGS]()  
[Read on Ao3]()  
Download As: [MOBI](), [EPUB](), [PDF](), [HTML]()

**([Or behind the cut!]() ) **

* * *

miss martya ([]()[ **missmartya**]() ) wrote in []()[**thebarrayarfive**]() ,

**  
_  
[Five Fic]()  
_  
**

Title: Hey, Sailor  
Paring: Vortalon/Selig  
Summary: Five pick-up lines that actually worked.

**([Click for fic!]() )**

* * *

Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Rec]()  
_  
**

So the reason Varadar Tau in canon never becomes Captain of Boat is because it would cause friction with the actual (er, regular) members of the Barrayaran Navy. Despite hopeful hints, even Varadar Tau knows that, at the end of the day, he isn't getting control of his ship back short of stealing it.

Enter []()[**mnais**]() 's [Seven Wonders Of The Space Lanes](), a rollicking adventure that poses the question of: what if Varadar Tau had been in that group of the first Varadars to go to the Academy?

We get Varadar Tau in all his banditry glory in his youth, except now he's a slightly-out-of-control young naval officer. And when, after a vicious fight, he captures Boat, he convinces the brass to let him become Boat's captain.

Cue the Nexus War. Cue Varadar Tau and Boat coming under Hazelbright's command during the final crucial battle, with Varadar Tau on the side of the rescuers this time, not the captives.

Cue Hazelbright saying, "nice ship you got there."

M reworks the series, showing us how it could have been if Varadar Tau were Boat's captain from the start. I love the way M wrote Hazelbright and Varadar Tau's interactions and relationship. It's so much more stable than canon, but still with those doses of thrill and danger, because this *is* Varadar Tau we're talking about.

It's a very satisfying peak into what might have been.

  


* * *

Rivalicious ([]()[ **rivalicious**]() ) wrote in []()[**cafecaravanserai**]() ,

**  
_  
[Poll for the newbie guide]()  
_  
**

We're expecting the usual influx of new folk with the new movie. To help us keep our Guide To Barrayar in the profile page up to date, please fill out this poll if you post fic in this fandom.

Thanks.

  


**[Poll #8798]()** _Fandom fic-writing survey_

Open to: **All** , detailed results viewable to: **All** , participants: 0  
[ [Display Results]() ] &nbsp [ [ Clear Answers]() ]  


Where do you consider to be the "home base" of your fic

  
Personal journal  
Fic journal  
Personal website or archive  
On The Good Ship  
Archive of Our Own  
Fanfiction.Net  
A fanfiction community on a journaling system (any)  
A mailing list  
Other (enter below)  


You forgot my home base!

  


Where do you post to that you consider to be "crossposting":

  
Personal journal  
Fic journal  
Personal website or archive  
On The Good Ship  
Archive of Our Own  
Fanfiction.Net  
A fanfiction community that's "anything goes" (ex: KBO)  
A fanfiction community with a limited scope in terms of gen, slash, or het (ex: genmebarrayar, slashmebarrayar, hetmebarrayar)  
A fanfiction community with a limited scope in terms of pairings accepted  
A fanfiction community with a limited scope in terms of ratings accepted  
A mailing list  
Other (enter below)  


You forgot where I crosspost to!

  


Helpful comments for the new folk?

  


HOW EXCITED ARE YOU!!!111!

**meh** |    
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10 | **MY CAPSLOCK IS STUCK**  
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Henri ([]()[ **henri5**]() ) wrote in []()[**keepbarrayingon**]() ,

**  
_  
[The Semi-Regular Kinkmeme Update]()  
_  
**

The following fics were completed in []()[**kinkmebarrayar**]() since the last update.

  
De-anoned:

  

  * [Obeisance]() \- Vortalon/Hazelbright, throne!sex, kneeling, facials. De-anoned as []()[**pym-rm**]() , [Ao3 repost]()
  * [Let's Be Pirates]() \- Vortalon/Varadar Tau pirate!AU, cabin boy!sex. De-anoned as []()[**captaincordelia**]() , [OTGS repost](), [Ao3 repost]()
  * [So Pretty When You Cry]() \- Vortalon/Sonia, pegging, forced cross dressing, humiliation, cock torture. De-anoned as []()[**del_or_ia_n**](). [Ao3 repost]()
  * [Wedding Night]() \- Vortalon/Penelope, virgin!Vortalon trope, cock torture, pegging, orgasm control, blindfolds, gags. De-anoned as []()[**del_or_ia_n**](). [Ao3 repost]()
  * [Life On The Inside]() \- Vortalon/Hazelbright, BDSM-Society!trope. dom!Vortalon, sub!Hazelbright. De-anoned as []()[**oliviaonmars**](). [Ao3 repost]()
  * [Life On The Inside Live Remix]() \- Vortalon/Hazelbright, BDSM-Society!trope, dom!Hazelbright, sub!Vortalon. De-anoned as []()[**kareeningtowardsbethlehem**](). [Ao3 repost]()
  * [Only Silence]() \- Vortalon/Hazelbright, throne!sex, deep throating, boot worship. De-anoned as []()[**gregbleakman**](). [OTGS repost](), [Ao3 repost]()
  * [Power Play]() \- Vortalon/Hazelbright, power-trip!Vortalon, handcuffs, blindfolds. De-anoned as []()[**pym-rm**]() , [Ao3 repost]()
  * [Join The Navy, See The World, Blow It Up]() \- Vortalon/Hazelbright, Napoleonic Wars!AU. De-anoned as []()[**allegromoderato**](). [Ao3 repost]()
  * [Fashion Favors The Bold]() \- Penelope/Sonia fashion week!AU, fusion with Devil Wears Prada. De-anoned as []()[**alysoutofwonderland**](). [OTGS repost](), [Ao3 repost]()
  * [Service]() \- Hazelbright/Selig, officer/NCO, uniforms kink. De-anoned as []()[**pym-rm**]() , [Ao3 repost]()
  * [Just Making A Point]() \- Vortalon/Hazelbright, public throne!sex, public humiliation, bruising. De-anoned as []()[**gregbleakman**](). [OTGS repost](), [Ao3 repost]()
  



  
Still anon:

  

  * [Soldier/Sailor]() \- Vortalon/Selig, grudgefucking
  * [Captain Underpants]() \- Vortalon/Varadar Tau, public humiliation, underwear kink
  * [Seriously, Your Name Is Vorwyn?]() \- Hazelbright/Penelope, Robin Hood!AU, humor
  * [Untitled]() \- Vortalon/Hazelbright/Varadar Tau, snowballing, threesome, restraints
  * [Untitled]() \- Olivia/Sonia, cunnilingus, public sex. 
  * [Flip For It]() \- Hazelbright/Varadar Tau/Virgin!Vortalon, deflowering, first time, auctioning virginity 
  * [Here We Go Again]() \- Vortalon/Hazelbright, public sex, forced orgasm, Planetfall-fix-it!trope
  * [Slide show]() \- Vortalon/Hazelbright, office!AU (work-in-an-office, not tv-show-office!AU), desk fucking, spanking, anal plugs
  * [There Are None](), Vortalon/Hazelbright, magical fusion, revenge!fic, whipping, **non con**
  * [Cocksucker!Vortalon]() \- Vortalon/Hazelbright, Vortalon/Varadar Tau/Vortalon/Selig. Vortalon sucks a lot of cock. 
  * [Penelope On Top]() \- Penelope/Hazelbright, boot worship, caning. cunnilingus 
  * [Untitled]() \- Penelope/Olivia/Sonia, barrista!AU, closet!sex
  * [Untitled]() \- Vortalon/Varadar Tau, university!AU, consensual professor/student sex, spanking
  * [The One With The Sex Scene]() \- Penelope/Vortalon as Monica/Chandler. tv-show-Friends!fusion. 
  * [Whips And Chains]() \- Vortalon/Hazelbright, flogging. 
  * [Slow Boat To China]() \- Vortalon/Hazelbright, consensual athlete/coach. 2008 Beijing Olympics!AU, Vortalon is competing and Hazelbright is his coach. 
  * [Genderswap Vortalon]() \- Always-A-Girl!Vortalon/Genderqueer!Penelope, being held down
  * [Revenge Of The Aliens]() \- Varadar Tau/Hazelbright, SGA crossover, aliens made them do it

And, finally, because 'tis the season:

  * [Don't Flanick!]() \- Penelope and Olivia and Sonia are all writing Hitchhiker's Guide fics for Yuletide. 
  



  


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M ([]()[ **mnais**]() ) wrote in []()[**cafecaravanserai**]() ,

**  
_[Ahoy, Piracy!]()_  
**

Upload post!

Please obey the following rules:

1) Thank the uploader.

2) Did you get the link from this post? Then don't share it anywhere else. Upload the file yourself and then share *that* link.

3) Don't ask for alternate hosting sites for a week after the first link gets posted. If after that time, you can't get the movie from any of the posted hosts, then you can ask for your preferred host.

4) Check out the [FAQ]() if you're having problems with a download site, HJ Split, etc.

5) Try VLC. It bears repeating.

6) Use a download manager or go with the split files if your connection can't handle large files.

7) Be patient.

8) If you need the other films or any episodes, [use the running uploads plz post](), don't ask here.

* * *

  
Dono ([]()[ **donogenerate**]() ) wrote in []()[**keepbarrayingon**]() ,

**  
_  
[Imperium: Imperator (1/1)]()  
_  
**

This is the final fic in the Imperium series. Thank you to everyone who has come along with us on the journey.

The comm for this shared universe is []()[**barrayaranimperium**](). Full list of authors taking part in this shared universe: []()[**allegromoderato**]() , []()[**captaincordelia**]() , []()[**donogenerate**]() , []()[**drou**]() , []()[**gregbleakman**]() , []()[**henri5**]() , []()[**lattesandcandy**]() , []()[**mnais**]() , []()[**oliviaonmars**]() , []()[**pym-rm**]() , []()[**sillyan**]() , and []()[**theprincessxav**](). The illustrations are by []()[**admiralaral**]().

There has been some talk of turning this into an RPG. If interested, contact []()[**oliviaonmars**]().

  
Title: Imperator  
Authors: []()[**captaincordelia**]() , []()[**theprincessxav**]() , and []()[**drou**]()  
Pairing (fic): Vortalon/Hazelbright, Penelope/Olivia, Vortalon/Penelope  
Pairings (series): Vortalon/Hazelbright, Penelope/Olivia, Vortalon/Penelope  
Summary: Penelope gives birth and Hazelbright and Vortalon come to a new understanding.

**([Imperium]() )**

* * *

  
Alys ([]()[ **alysoutofwonderland**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[A Helpful Guide]()  
_  
**

  
For fandom, on the occasion of getting the movie that will likely launch a thousand V/H/P fics:

 **How To And How Not To Write Polyamory: A Helpful Guide**  
Your authors: []()[**alysoutofwonderland**]() , []()[**sillyan**]() , and []()[**padmalurks**]().

**([ Featuring examples from Barrayar, White Collar, and other fandoms that lend themselves easily towards polyamory fic ]() )**

  


* * *

Benin ([]()[ **dagdigs**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Okay, Fine]()  
_  
**

  
I went to the []()[**cafecaravanserai**]() meet-up and met both []()[**mnais**]() and []()[**markymark**](). They were in the same place at the same time. They are absurdly identical. Mark was pretending he didn't know M. Under the circumstances of M finishing his sentences for him, I don't blame him.

But you can't convince me that []()[**auditority**]() isn't a sockpuppet. They didn't claim to be _triplets_.

  


* * *

Ivan ([]()[ **ivantheterrible**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Ew]()  
_  
**

[Ewwww.]()

  


* * *

Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[An Actual Quote From The UVS Meet-Up]()  
_  
**

  
Latte says this deserves the all-caps of mockery: "OF COURSE YOU LIKE STRONG FEMALE CHARACTERS. THE BNFS WOULD BEAT YOU UP IF YOU DIDN'T."

First things first: everyone knows that []()[**youmaycallmesenator**]() objects on principle to the language of violence being used in any contexts, right? She has her meticulous [Violent Language: A Guide To Deconstruction]() and [Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?]() posts linked from the sidebar in her journal. Go ahead and read them. I'll still be here when you get back.

And secondly, Latte finds the undercurrent of partner abuse being okay or acceptable for humor if it's female-on-male extremely problematic.

So I'll just ignore the subtext for now and deal with the text: yes, my aunt's a BNF in The West Wing and my girlfriend's a BNF in Barrayar. And I just write meta posts, okay? I'm fine with that. My life's ambition is to become an acafan and I plan to do just that and live happily ever after.

Anyway, Latte says that she's only a BNF in Barrayar because she writes a lot with []()[**gregbleakman**]() and he was practically born to BNF that fandom due to Familial Connections, which makes her a BNF by proxy and was completely unavoidable. Yeah, whatever, Latte. You know you're awesome.

Right! Now that we've got that sorted, tonight was great and a good time was had by all. We met-up! We watched the movie! We snarked a lot! Latte scrawled notes furiously! She claims she will have a post up later. I left her mainlining coffee and typing hunt-and-peck around her mug while trying not to fall asleep at her desk.

The things we do for fandom, honestly.

Note: If you want to get on Latte's good side, give her caffeine first. The more you know.

And, hey, did anyone else notice how the new movie continues that really problematic movieverse practice of every Greekie being stupid or evil, or, well, _stupidly evil_? I've really got to stop getting my hopes up like that. Why, yes, Never Named Greekie in the second movie is still a kickass character who is drastically misunderstood and criminally misused and is probably the hero of her own series in a universe more aligned to my literary needs. Do you even have to ask by this point?

Relationship status at Complicated and holding steady at that rocky shore.

  


* * *

H. N. ([]()[ **helennatalia**]() ) wrote in []()[**keepbarrayingon**]() ,

**  
_  
[Extraterrestrials (1/?)]()  
_  
**

  
Extraterrestrials (1/?)  
Please read and review!!!

He has a crisis compager. No matter where he is, no matter what he's doing, if it rings, he ansers it. Once he was in the middle of the turnpike in the middle of the night and Vortalon had had to wander around outside the truck, both to ensure confidentiality and to wave off the few concerned people who stopped to offer support. They had only started back up when a state trooper strongly urged them to start moving again and Varadar Tau had gotten permission to continue the conversation with Vortalon around. Vardar Tau the next day put in the paperwork to try to get permisison tobreka cover enough to at least tell the next state trooper that it's a matter of planetary security and that's why they've stopped in the emergency pull-off area. It's denied. Vortalon has the second-highest security clerance on the planet but it's barely enough for him to know the topics of those high-level conversations behind closed doors, what Hazelbright briefs the Queen of Earth on when the chips are down and the Dendary are starting to threaten again. Those are the days when Varadar Tau doesn't come home at all and Vortalon stis in the cafeteria for long hours as everyone gets tired of being os tense and some eventually fall asleep, but Varadar Tau never does.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!

  


* * *

Ivan ([]()[ **ivantheterrible**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Oh, shut up]()  
_  
**

It wasn't "eww, polyamory", okay? Leave me alone. It's "ew, my mother has sex".

I'm sure if I were the one posting about my sex life, my mother would be the one going "eww".

So fuck off.

  


* * *

Admiral ([]()[ **admiralaral**]() ) wrote in []()[**barray_art**]() ,

**  
_  
[Moonlight Over Water [Vortalon/Hazelbright week]]()  
_  
**

Name of piece: _Moonlight Over Water_

Medium: Pencil.

Original publish date for piece: 18 June 2008

Where is it available: [At my art journal]().

Are icons available: Yes.

* * *

Latte ([]()[ **lattesandcandy**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Mad-Libs Meme]()  
_  
**

  
_Once upon a time, Character X and Character Y had a terrible argument about Z. Fill in the blanks and I'll tell you 1) who started it, 2) who won, and 3) who regretted it._

Over at []()[**rivalicious**]() , Olivia and Sonia got into a terrible argument about ice cream. Olivia both started it and won, and Sonia regretted it because Olivia ended up eating her ice cream, too.

Perfectly reasoned as always.

  


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miss martya ([]()[ **missmartya**]() ) wrote in []()[**thebarrayarfive**]() ,

**  
_  
[Five Fic]()  
_  
**

  
Title: Going To The Chapel  
pairing: Vortalon/Olivia  
Summary: Five weddings Vortalon and Olivia didn't have.

**([Click for fic!]() )**

  


* * *

Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Idle King Meta Post Links List [UPDATED: COMPLETE]]()  
_  
**

  


  


  


[It  
Little  
Profits  
That An  
Idle King

Written by lattesandcandy and gregbleakman  
Art by admiralaral  
Meta by duvid]

[]()[**lattesandcandy**]() and []()[**gregbleakman**]() have just posted the cover art and prologue of _[It Little Profits That An Idle King]()_ , the fic that was the inspiration for the creation of the Fic Meta Mashup Challenge that's currently running through the end of the week at your friendly neighborhood []()[**keepbarrayingon**]().

When I read an early draft of Idle King that Latte and Greg gave me to get a fresh set of eyes, I turned to Latte and said, delighted, "oh! You finally wrote the one that deals with the Odysseus parallels!"

Laisa said they did no such thing. Greg said that if they did, they didn't mean to.

And now they've done revisions and now they mean to.

What will follow after every chapter will be meta on a variation of themes as the whimsy struck me: Odysseus and the Odyssey, Campbell's hero's journey, parallels and rhyming of gender queering in Greek myth and Barrayar, and so on. With bonus epic poetry because Greg's mum recced him everything under the sun when he asked her for research material and Greg has graciously passed on the wealth.

And don't forget to check out []()[**admiralaral**]() 's [Idle King art post]()!

  
Index:

  

  1. [Chapter One: Barrayar - A Guide To The Disenfranchised And Almanac For Lovers]()  

  2. [Chapter Two: Digressions To The Absurd. Go Ahead, Pour Wax, See If I Care.]()  

  3. [Chapter Three: Maybe It Should Be Easier To Get Explosives Through Customs Than A Small Innocuous Package Containing Vicious Propaganda]()  

  4. [Chapter Four: Vortalon As Hero: Pissing The Gods Off Just Because He Can And Therefore Getting His Ass Handed To Him Ten Minutes Later]()  

  5. [Chapter Five: The Hero's Journey Takes The Inevitable Detour To The Land Of Men You Didn't Save. Please Have Exact Change Ready For The Ferryman.]()  

  6. [Chapter Six: Why Greg's Mother Doesn't Like The Aeneid (Yes, This Is Relevant).]()  

  7. [Chapter Seven: The Unbearable Trojanity Of Being Vortalon.]()  

  8. [Chapter Eight: Reach Out And Touch Faith]()  

  9. [Chapter Nine: The Dangers They Don't Mention When They Warn Against Overgeneralization And Group Dynamics]()  

  10. [Chapter Ten: Sam Gamgee And Returning Without The Hero -- The Sidekick As Hero]()  

  11. [Chapter Eleven: Queering The Captain And Other Thoughts On Boat!Fic]()  

  12. [Chapter Twelve: Beyond Labels: The Problem of Susan And Why Fix-It Fic Remains Necessary.]()  

  13. [Chapter Thirteen: More About Femininity As The Enemy And Why A Genderqueer Reading Of Penelope Makes More Sense Than Not.]()  

  14. [Chapter Fourteen: Penelope As Siren, Hero, Maiden, None Of The Above.]()  

  15. [Chapter Fifteen: Fatal Flaws And Plot Devices: Cyclops, Scylla, Charybdis, and Vortalon's False Choice]()  

  16. [Chapter Sixteen: The Return Of Charon And The Decline And Fall Of The Roman Empire]()  

  17. [Chapter Seventeen: Tiresias, Penelope, And Persephone In Myth: A Return To The Temptation Of A Queer Reading Of Barrayar!Penelope.]()  

  18. [Chapter Eighteen: When Standing Next To The Hero, Do Not Wear Red.]()  

  19. [Chapter Nineteen: Paying The Ferryman With Stolen Dreams -- Coming Home On The Shield]()  

  20. [Chapter Twenty: Ulysses and Vortalon ~~and Frodo~~ Sailing Beyond The Sunset And The Baths Of All The Western Stars As Cop-Out Ending]()  




* * *

Alys ([]()[ **alysoutofwonderland**]() ) wrote in []()[**soniaolivia**]() ,

**  
_  
[Pressure (1/1)]()  
_  
**

  
Title: Pressure  
Pairing: Olivia/Sonia  
Summary: Some days she feels fragile. Some days she feels indestructible. Today she feels like screaming.

**([Fic behind cut]() )**

  


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miss martya ([]()[ **missmartya**]() ) wrote in []()[**thebarrayarfive**]() ,

**  
_  
[Five Fic]()  
_  
**

Title: Pretty Boy.  
Paring: Hazelbright/Vortalon  
Summary: Five times Hazelbright walked over and just fucked his mouth. Dubcon.

**([Click for fic!]() )**

  


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del_or_ia_n ([]()[ **del_or_ia_n**]() ) wrote in []()[**keepbarrayingon**]() ,

**  
_  
[A General, Kneeling (1/1)]()  
_  
**

  
Title: A General, Kneeling  
author: []()[**del_or_ia_n**]()  
Pairing: Sonia/Hazelbright  
Summary: Sonia likes older men... on their knees. The further exploits of Domme!Sonia.

**([Hazelbright always fights it]() )**

  


* * *

Latte ([]()[ **lattesandcandy**]() ) wrote in []()[**keepbarrayingon**]() ,

**  
_  
[Testing 1, 2, 3 (1/1)]()  
_  
**

  
Title: Testing 1, 2, 3  
Authors: []()[**rivalicious**]() , []()[**lattesandcandy**]() , []()[**alysoutofwonderland**]() , []()[**captaincordelia**]()  
Rating: Mature  
Pairings: The Maiden Penelope/Lady Olivia, The Maiden Penelope/Lady Sonia, Captain Vortalon/General Hazelbright  
Summary: Film!AU. No movie stars were harmed in the making of this fic.

  
[Read on OTGS]()  
[Read on Ao3]()  
Download As: [MOBI](), [EPUB](), [PDF](), [HTML]()

**([Or behind the cut!]() ) **

  


* * *

Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Hazelbright Wants These Motherfucking Snakes Off Of His Motherfucking Spaceship]()  
_  
**

Today in Fandom Is Awesome: [Samuel L. Jackson as General Badass Motherfucker Hazelbright]() by []()[**admiralaral**]().

This fantasy casting: YES PLZ.

  


* * *

Greg Bleakman ([]()[ **gregbleakman**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Greek Mythology Fic: Sisyphus And Prometheus Walk Into A Bar]()  
_  
**

  
Title: Between A Rock And A Hot Place.  
Authors: []()[**gregbleakman**]() and []()[**henri5**]()  
Beta: The lovely []()[**lattesandcandy**]() who agreed to beta it even after we prefaced it as something we did to blow off steam and she called tmi on us.

Summary: "Compared to me, Prometheus, you have it easy." "Oh, yeah? You try having your liver pecked out every day." "Tell me what's worse: something that's painful and futile or something that's impossible and futile. And every day you do it and every day it's futile." "I'm sorry, did I mention my liver?"

**(["Oh gods" has never been so apt.]() )**

  


* * *

miss martya ([]()[ **missmartya**]() ) wrote in []()[**thebarrayarfive**]() ,

**  
_  
[Five Fic]()  
_  
**

  
Title: Very Pretty Boy.  
Paring: Varadar Tau/Vortalon  
Summary: Five times Varadar Tau thought Hazelbright had the right idea and walked over and just fucked Vortalon's mouth. Dubcon sequel to Pretty Boy.

**([Click for fic!]() )**

* * *

Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Rec]()  
_  
**

[Can't Take A Hint]() by []()[**alysoutofwonderland**]() is a delightful VT/H humorfic.

Selig's briefings always drag on and on and on, no matter how many times Hazelbright clears his throat or makes a pointed comment about needing to deal with something further along in the materials. He can only ever get through with an outright order to keep moving on, but he doesn't like doing that, because Selig gives him very disappointed glances the entire time, like "this is the kind of direct orders you give me, sir? Really?"

But Selig won't take a hint, so the cycle just keeps continuing.

Varadar Tau to the rescue, to figure out just how far things need to get before Selig gets the hint. Obviously, this leads to Varadar Tau casually reaching over, undoing Hazelbright's uniform trousers, and starting to jack him off. Obviously.

I won't spoil the excellent ending, but it made my day. And gave me a renewed appreciation for poor Selig, who must have sinned greatly in a past life to deserve to have commanding officers like these.

  


* * *

Latte ([]()[ **lattesandcandy**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Barrayar Expects That Every Fan Will Do Their Duty]()  
_  
**

They say you shouldn't go into a relationship hoping to change the other person. That it's a bad idea, doomed to failure and misplaced expectations.

Would it be crass to say I won?

Perhaps it's better to say, Hazelbright/Vortalon won.

When I first started writing the pairing, Duvid would go, "that's nice, dear". If pressed, he'd go, "but! But! Age difference! But! But! Vortalon has never met a woman he didn't want to fuck! But! But! But!"

Well, my dear fandom, I am here to tell you, I have done it. I have turned Duvid on to the joy that is Hazelbright/Vortalon. Sure, he'd _read_ it before, but now he totally buys into the pairing. He believes in it like he believes in Hazelbright/Varadar Tau, which is a holy fucking hell of a lot.

So send him recs! Send him lots of recs! Do it for Vortalon!

  


* * *

Dono ([]()[ **donogenerate**]() ) wrote in []()[**cafecaravanserai**]() ,

**  
_  
[Round Robin #7 Call For Participants]()  
_  
**

  
[]()[**roundandroundwego**]() Round 7 is open for participants sign-ups.

We are a rapid-fire kink-intense round robin focused around the belief that if one person wants to write a kink, ten people want to read it.

If you've participated in any of the previous rounds, just send me or []()[**henri5**]() an [e-mail](mailto:) that you want to do it again. If you haven't, please fill out the form and reply with a comment to any of the promotional posts or to the [Call For Participants Post in the comm]() or [send it to us in an e-mail](mailto:).

By signing up you are saying that you are willing to contribute to the round robin no matter where it goes, with the exception of it going into your squick areas, in which case you skip your turn until it's out of the danger zone. It must be on your squick list for us to skip your turn, so make sure your list is comprehensive or we will expect you to keep the round going.

The completed robin will be posted to []()[**roundandroundwego**]() and crossposted to all communities on our [crosspost list](). We do not edit except to correct spelling. Note that the anonymous option is not truly anonymous. If you choose to be anonymous, other participants will still see your e-mail address and we will still need a name for you. You can create a pseud and e-mail address to use for the purpose of the round robin. We don't mind. The only thing that we do need is a name for you and a way to contact you.

  
Author name: YOUR NAME THAT YOU WANT US TO USE  
Author e-mail: YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS  
Author journal: YOUR JOURNAL NAME - NOT NECESSARY WITH THE ANONYMOUS SIGN-UP  
Author squicks: YOUR SQUICKS  
Author kinks: YOUR KINKS  
Do you want to be anonymous: IF YOU WANT US TO WRITE "ANONYMOUS" INSTEAD OF YOUR NAME IN THE PUBLIC POST. ONLY USE THIS IF YOU ARE GOING TO SIGN-UP BY E-MAIL. IF YOU DO IT UNDER YOUR JOURNAL NAME, YOU ARE NOT ACTUALLY BEING ANONYMOUS.

Sign-ups close on the 19th. The round will run from December 20th through the 25th. Completed fic will be posted on the 26th.

  


* * *

Latte ([]()[ **lattesandcandy**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[I Have Nothing To Declare Except This Made Me Laugh]()  
_  
**

  
There's a large spectrum of fannish in-jokes. There are the ones that require very specific fandom knowledge or knowledge about fandom, and then there are the ones like that crackfic someone who shall remain nameless (and who are not named me and Riva, of course not) once wrote about a TV show called Captain America's Neighborhood. It requires both fandom knowledge -- Captain America = Steve Rogers -- and then some specific RL-world centric -- there was a long-running American TV show for children called Mister Rogers's Neighborhood.

  
And then there's this:

Title: A Funny Thing Did Not Happen  
Authors: []()[**lattesandcandy**]() and []()[**duvid**]() (!!! we know!)  
Pairing: Captain Vortalon/General Hazelbright

  
Excerpt:

_"You know what your problem is, Vortalon? You think teeth are made for wearing around your neck."_

_"Yes, it's amazing how I ever survived this long without you."_

This is Duv's first fic! Awwwwww. I took a picture and am going to put it up on the refrigerator.

  
[Read on OTGS]()  
[Read on Ao3]()  
Download As: [MOBI](), [EPUB](), [PDF](), [HTML]()

**([Or behind the cut!]() ) **

  


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Pel ([]()[ **pelmell**]() ) wrote in []()[**barray_art**]() ,

**  
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[Art Submission For Kid!Vortalon Week]()  
_  
**

  
Name of piece: _Vortalon At Play_

Medium: Ink.

Original publish date for piece: Today. Piece created for this week's post your art challenge.

Where is it available: [Available in public post in the Star Creche comm]()

Are icons available: No.

  


* * *

Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

**  
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[Recs]()  
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**

  
I have been sailing on the good ship, my friends. ~~We have just passed Planet Lollipop. Vortalon wanted to land and see if Hazelbright would bend him over something there, too~~ You'll have to forgive me. I have been working through all of the Hazelbright/Vortalon recs people have been throwing at me.

Conclusion: Vortalon enjoys sex. Hazelbright pretends not to because he likes the way Vortalon begs.

TPTB weep, probably.

A couple of recs from those lists. I'll have more recs later, but these come first, because Reasons.

First: [Academy Boys]() by []()[**lattesandcandy**]() and []()[**gregbleakman**](). This deserves an introduction: When I came to UVS, Greg was a senior, and Henri was a junior. So there were the four of us -- well, five, M was there, too -- at the Vorbarr Sultana Nerd Club gathering. It has a real name, but let's face it, we're there to geek out about Barrayar and Star Trek. We're nerds.

Greg and Latte are huddled in the corner with Greg's laptop and I'm talking to M about _Prince Serg_ , which had just aired. M was salivating about the CGI and I was subtly mocking him for it while agreeing completely about how good the graphics were. And suddenly Latte starts laughing. Out of control, laughing out loud, deserving of the LOL designation, laughter.

Naturally, we ask what's so funny. Greg turns the laptop around and there's this review of Academy Boys. It's about as slashphobic as you can image getting from FF.N, which is where it was from. Anyway, the reviewer was all upset about the fic, but was really upset, and here was the part that made Latte fall over giggling, was how _everyone knows Hazelbright didn't meet Vortalon at the Academy_. The slash was upsetting, apparently, but the break from canon, which is noted in the goddamn summary, was heinous. Heinous! Heinous! It went on like that for a while.

M, suspiciously, assumed it was a joke. And then Greg and Latte introduced him to the wonderful world of FF.N reviews.

Henri facepalmed, mostly.

So I could never bring myself to ever read beyond the first chapter of Academy Boys, because every time I got to the part where Hazelbright has Vortalon stay after class for some oral ~~instruction~~ correction, I can only hear Latte shrieking "heinous! Heinous! Heinous!"

But I just finished it! I couldn't read a word while Latte was in the room because then I'd catch her eye and we'd both crack up. But I finished it and it's excellent and if Hazelbright had actually been instructing at the Academy when Vortalon was there, 1) that reviewer would have been much happier, 2) there would have been porn. A lot of porn. Because if Hazelbright couldn't resist Vortalon's lip licking later, imagine how much he couldn't have when he was forced to watch him do it during class.

The second is the [Academy Boys remix]() by []()[**donogenerate**]() , which brings the porn while updating the setting to being during the Nexus War, meaning that Varadar Tau has now been captured. Hazelbright hares off to rescue him... taking Vortalon with him. I think you can see where this is going.

Hazelbright finds Varadar Tau, Varadar Tau looks at Vortalon, goes "oooh, pretty", and asks Hazelbright if he shares. Hazelbright does. Vortalon ~~goes for the extra credit~~ does what everyone on the kink meme thinks he spends most of his time doing, and sucks a lot of cock.

And then they get back home and there's even sex on a bed. I know, how kinky.

  


* * *

miss martya ([]()[ **missmartya**]() ) wrote in []()[**thebarrayarfive**]() ,

**  
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[Five Fic]()  
_  
**

  
Title: Horizontally Speaking  
pairing: Vortalon/Hazelbright  
Summary: Five happy-ever-afters Hazelbright had.

**([Click for fic!]() )**

  


* * *

Latte ([]()[ **lattesandcandy**]() ) wrote,

**  
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[An Extremely Important Announcement!]()  
_  
**

  


  


[You are invited to...  
Latte and Duvid's  
Wedding Reception  
In Latte's Journal  
(Chat details will be posted in case of rain)  
Noon UTC December 27th Until It Ends  
No RSVP Necessary]

  
On December 26, Duvid and I will be getting married!

Beginning the 27th at noon UTC, we will be hosting a wedding party in my journal. It will go until it ends! Everyone is welcome!

We'll have virtual cake and downloadable and streamable playlists and a good time will be had by all! I'll streamer my journal and Duvid will actually smile when he uses a smiley icon -- he promises. It's to be in his wedding vows, or so he says.

Everyone and everything is welcome! Come alone or bring some friends, form a conga line through comments threads, organize a watch-along at three in the morning, or just drop by to say hello! We're getting married and we can't have you all there in person, but we want to celebrate with the Whole Entire Internet!

In case of ~~anything go boom~~ rain, I'll post chat information before we collect our parents and go do the Real Life parts.

The Real Life details for those interested: Duv proposed because if it had been in the other direction, his "yes, but" reflex might have kicked in. It was a concern. We both have small families and neither of us likes circuses, so when we decided to get married, we planned a small wedding over semester break. There will be a small ceremony and then we'll decamp for lunch at the restaurant where Duvid's brother and sister-in-law had their wedding reception. We figure we'll finally settle on what to wear on the morning of and are okay with that. The bride will likely wear red because it's my best color; the groom will likely wear white because for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, he owns a white suit. I won't be changing my name and Duvid has already changed his once this year, so we will not be re-entering that fray at this time, although we reserve the right to jump right back in at some future date.

If I write any sappy marrying-the-boy-next-door fic between now and then, blame ~~Bridezilla~~ ~~someone else~~ \-- okay, I'll take all the blame for that one.

OMGWTF WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!!!11!!!!!!

  


* * *

Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[What Latte Said]()  
_  
**

  
As []()[**lattesandcandy**]() said: [We're getting married!]()

We've been discussing it for a while and since she's graduating this semester and I'm graduating next semester, and taking into account the relative schedules of our relatives, we figured this was the absolute best time to do it.

Aunt []()[**youmaycallmesenator**]() has threatened to live blog the ceremony. I don't think she was kidding, so watch her journal on the day if you're interested in the RL details.

If you think RL is something that happens to other people, fear not. Latte's post has all the details of the online wedding party we're going to be throwing. We've spent more time making playlists for that than we did on the seating arrangement for the wedding lunch.

Tip on how to spend very little time on the seating arrangement: don't make one.

We wrote people's names on cards and threw them up in the air. We grabbed at random and stuck it on a seat on the chart and repeated until finished. It's not that we don't care... it's exactly that we don't care. We don't expect anyone to stick to the seating chart, to be honest, but it looks good to have one. It's so much better to ignore one that doesn't exist than to be thrown by the loud absence of an expected one.

And, yes, I will probably be wearing a white tux. It's a long story. I had a very misspent youth.

* * *

  
miss martya ([]()[ **missmartya**]() ) wrote in []()[**thebarrayarfive**]() ,

**  
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[Five Fic]()  
_  
**

Title: Three's Company.  
Pairing: Vortalon/Hazelbright/Varadar Tau  
Summary: Five times they fell in bed together and it wasn't Vortalon's fault.

**([Click for fic!]() )**

  


* * *

Olivia ([]()[ **oliviaonmars**]() ) wrote in []()[**soniaolivia**]() ,

**  
_  
[Eurydice]()  
_  
**

  
Continuing the old fic crosspost week, this was my Big Bang two years ago.

  
Title: Eurydice  
Author: []()[**oliviaonmars**]()  
Artist: []()[**del_or_ia_n**]()  
Pairing: Olivia/Sonia  
Summary: Now we begin our descent.

  


  


  


[Eurydice]

  
[Story master post on]() []()[**bigbangbarrayar**]()  
[Full fic on AO3]()

* * *

Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

**  
_  
[Fic]()  
_  
**

I wrote this! o.O

It was on the kink meme and here it is, cleaned-up and with minor modifications.

Thanks to the person who left that very vivid and great prompt about Hazelbright's ring, and to Greg, who responded to Latte's [call to flood me with recs]() with all of the promotional publicity photos of Vortalon sitting on the throne, legs splayed, and Hazelbright standing behind him, glowering, his signet ringed-hand resting on the back of the throne.

So, yes, I was tempted by the glittering tinsel of the omg shiny ring Hazelbright's showing off. It's either that or Vortalon's awesome boots. Watch, next thing you know I'll be writing a crack Vortalon/Hazelbright marriage fic...

No, I won't. I just have marriage on the brain. (Did you know I'm getting married in two days? OH MY GOD I'M GETTING MARRIED IN TWO DAYS.) Anyway, there won't be crack V/H marriage fic from me. I just asked my fiancee (MARRIED. TWO DAYS. OMG.) and she says it already exists, so the need has already been filled.

  
Title: The Signet Ring  
Kinkmeme Prompt Subject Line: V/H handjobs, rings  
Contents: Handjobs, throne!sex, public sex  
Summary: Hazelbright, Vortalon reflects, is a man who will put on his rings of office before thoroughly disrespecting it.

**([Vortalon always watches Hazelbright's hands.]() )**

  


* * *

Duvid ([]()[ **duvid**]() ) wrote,

**  
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[Fic, Again]()  
_  
**

And I wrote this, too. This is how it starts, isn't it? You're a happy reader for lo these many years and then suddenly people throw pretty pictures at your head and all you can do is roll over and show your belly and write porn?

Not that I'm complaining.

  
Title: Ordered To His Cabin  
Kinkmeme Prompt Subject Line: VT/H BDSM-Society!AU, Rescue!Fic, dom!Hazelbright, sub!Varadar Tau  
Contents: BDSM, blowjobs, beating, boot worship, spanking, restraints, kneeling, arm binders, chastity, collars  
Summary: Hazelbright rescued Varadar Tau, which means he gets to keep him.

**([And he keeps his ship, too]() )**

  


* * *

Greg Bleakman ([]()[ **gregbleakman**]() ) wrote in []()[**keepbarrayingon**]() ,

**  
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[Mine Own (1/1) - Idle King Outtake]()  
_  
**

Title: Mine Own  
Authors: []()[**gregbleakman**]() and []()[**lattesandcandy**]()  
Pairing: Penelope/Vortalon  
Summary: The Idle King kidfic outtake.

  
[ [OTGS]() | [Ao3]() | Download As: [MOBI](), [EPUB](), [PDF](), [HTML]() | **([Cut tag]() ) ** ]

  


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miss martya ([]()[ **missmartya**]() ) wrote in []()[**thebarrayarfive**]() ,

**  
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[Five Fic]()  
_  
**

  
Title: Dreary.  
Pairing: Hazelbright/Varadar Tau  
Summary: Five days they didn't get out of bed.

**([Click for fic!]() )**

  


* * *

Dono ([]()[ **donogenerate**]() ) wrote in []()[**keepbarrayingon**]() ,

**  
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[Round Robin #7]()  
_  
**

  
[]()[**roundandroundwego**]() round 7 is complete!

Title: It Was The Seventh Dark And Stormy Night  
Authors: Anonymous, Anonymous, []()[**captaincordelia**]() , []()[**sillyan**]() , []()[**donogenerate**]() , []()[**gregbleakman**]() , []()[**henri5**]() , []()[**kareeningtowardsbethlehem**]() , []()[**lattesandcandy**]() , []()[**mnais**]() , []()[**oliviaonmars**]() , []()[**pelmell**]() , []()[**pym-rm**]() , []()[**rivalicious**]() , []()[**sweetanna**]()  
Contains: Animal Play, Begging, Branding, Caning, Fisting, Flogging, Gags, Knifeplay, Oral Sex, Orgasm Denial, Rope Bondage, Temperature Play, Voyeurism, Watersports

**  
[Read on roundandroundwego]()  
**

  
Next round will run from January 20th through 25th. The sign-up sheet will go around on January 10th and will be open through the 19th.

  


* * *

Latte ([]()[ **lattesandcandy**]() ) wrote,

**  
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[THERE ARE NOT CAPS AND SPARKLY TEXT ENOUGH IN THE WORLD]()  
_  
**

  
\o/ \o/ \o/ \o/ \o/

You guys!!! Thank you all so much!!! Me and Duvid are sitting here, grinning widely, and crying sappy yet heartfelt TEARS OF STAGGERING BEAUTY.

Thank you all so much! You have no idea how amazing and awesome and touching this all is!

Dear []()[**alysoutofwonderland**]() and []()[**sweetanna**]() , you are amazing friends and full of magic and wonders! We have no idea how you found time to organize this, but we are so amazed and asquee that you did!

We have the best friends ever and we love you all so much and THANK YOU!

We've sent heartfelt thank yous to everyone who contributed to [Alys and Anna's Conspiracy](), and we are both so touched and thrilled that we want to shout it from the rooftops.

Thank you so much because...

[]()[ **gregbleakman**]() and []()[**henri5**]() wrote us amazing Hazelbright/Varadar Tau porn where they're Wikipedians edit-warring over the Barrayar Franchise article and features a truly remarkable and creative use of the word "rollback". We will never wikiwalk the same again!

[]()[ **captaincordelia**]() , []()[**drou**]() , []()[**alysoutofwonderland**]() , and []()[**rivalicious**]() must have gone through the old fics you wished existed meme when putting together the Ficlet Potpourri. It has everything from the one where Penelope, Olivia, and Sonia are WACS to the sweetest Olivia schmoop you could ever imagine! And []()[**admiralaral**]() 's passing!Penelope/Vortalon has to be seen to be believed!

[]()[ **youmaycallmesenator**]() sent us matching Mr. Latte and Mrs. Duvid icons, which completely explains the mystifying moment during the ceremony when she burst out laughing. The more you know!

[]()[ **donogenerate**]() gave us crack RPF mpreg about ourselves. I have _never_ seen Duv laugh that much in my entire life. I don't think anyone has. You cracked the stoic beast, Dono. GOLD STAR! Duv says we'll name his mpreg baby after his brother, which just goes to show that Duv is the much more depraved person in this relationship, even though no one ever believes me about that.

[]()[ **professorhelen**]() organized a []()[**barrayaranmetacohort**]() rewatch of season four which has brought forth great snark and meta upon the land and the crops shall grow beyond compare! Onwards towards sunrise!

[]()[ **allegromoderato**]() and []()[**olshanskredemption**]() , who are in a couple of RL clubs with Duv, wrote one where they're all students at UVS who, as an extra special meta twist, started the martial arts club the three of them belong to!

No one promised anything about obedience, which is good, because it would have meant we could never have looked each other in the eye again after reading []()[**pym-rm**]() 's I Couldn't Think Of A Filthy Enough Title, which made Duvid keep looking nervously over his shoulder for the sudden appearance of an authority figure. Married but still feeling like we're sneaking around? MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. \o/ ♥

[]()[ **mnais**]() sang us a filk about How To Succeed On Barrayar Without Really Trying. M, if we'd had a wedding singer, it would have been you!

[]()[ **kareeningtowardsbethlehem**]() , []()[**del_or_ia_n**]() , []()[**oliviaonmars**]() , and []()[**missmartya**]() poddficced A Play For Voices! I have no idea how they managed the middle bits. It's so seamless and I'm in awe!!!

[]()[ **drou**]() , we love the banner and the meme! We are so amazed and asquee over everyone who commented on the Sign The Wedding Book meme! ♥

  
THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THE SQUEE, FANDOM. HEARTS TO YOU ALWAYS FOREVER!

♥ ♥ ♥

**Author's Note:**

> admiralaral | Aral Vorkosigan  
> allegromoderato | Guy Allegre  
> alysoutofwonderland | Alys Vorpatril  
> bel-the-cat | Bel Thorne  
> captaincordelia | Cordelia Naismith Vorkosigan  
> dagdigs | Dag Benin  
> del_or_ia_n | Delia Koudelka  
> donogenerate | Dono Vorrutyer  
> drou | Ludmilla Droushnakovi Koudelka  
> duvid | Duv Galeni  
> ekat | Ekaterin Vorvayne Vorsoisson Vorkosigan  
> equinn | Elli Quinn  
> gregbleakman | Gregor Vorbarra  
> helennatalia | Helen Natalia Vorkosigan  
> henri5 | Henri Vorvolk  
> ivantheterrible | Ivan Vorpatril  
> kareeningtowardsbethlehem | Kareen Koudelka  
> lattesandcandy | Laisa Toscane  
> lisasato | Lisa Sato  
> markymark | Mark Vorkosigan  
> missmartya | Martya Koudelka  
> mnais | Miles Vorkosigan  
> oliviaonmars | Olivia Koudelka  
> olshanskredemption | Colonel Olshansky  
> padmalurks | Padma Vorpatril  
> pelmell | Pel Navarr  
> professorhelen | Helen Vorthys  
> pym-rm | Armsman No First Name Pym  
> rivalicious | Dr. No First Name Riva  
> sillyan | Simon Illyan  
> sweetanna | Anna Toscane  
> theprincessxav | Not Named Wife of Prince Xav Vorbarra  
> youmaycallmesenator | Rebecca Galen  
> zamori | Major No First Name Zamori

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Wrong Ground To Hold](https://archiveofourown.org/works/604761) by [Ailis_Fictive](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ailis_Fictive/pseuds/Ailis_Fictive)




End file.
